


Forget Me Not

by OneWhoSitsWithTurtles



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bodyguard!Kylo, Brief POV Kylo, Emperor Hux, Falling In Love, Fate & Destiny, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, M/M, Marking, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, POV Hux, Possessive Behavior, Riding, Soul Bond, Strangers to Lovers, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-17 07:13:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14827802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneWhoSitsWithTurtles/pseuds/OneWhoSitsWithTurtles
Summary: After sensing the First Order's inevitable defeat and abandoning it, Hux has become an emperor with an ever-expanding empire. It's all Hux has ever strived for so he doesn't understand why his life feels increasingly empty. When Phasma introduces Hux to a man named Kylo Ren who becomes his bodyguard, Hux begins forming a companionship and affection for Ren that he never expected.However, Hux's budding feelings for his bodyguard are further complicated when he realizes Ren is hiding something, and that Hux's memories are missing important pieces from his past. Ren has all the answers. All Hux needs to do is decide what he's going to do with the truth when it is finally revealed.





	1. Part One: Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration for this story came from a piece of art and quote/dialogue by spockl, which you can see [here on their Tumblr](http://spockl.tumblr.com/post/159444520491/you-gotta-forget-about-me-you-know-that-i-know). I saw the art over a year ago and kept it in my Drafts folder knowing I wanted to write something since it hit me with emotion every time I saw it. Finally the idea arrived and here we are. 
> 
> Huge thank you to the artist for allowing me to write a story based on the artwork, and also embed it into the story as well as use it in my mood board for the story. The mood board can be found [here on my Tumblr](http://onewhositswiththeturtles.tumblr.com/post/174499594554/forget-me-not-part-one-falling-by).

**Part One: Falling**

 

Hux had always considered the First Order and the creation of Starkiller Base his life’s work. Yet when Starkiller was destroyed and Hux saw the signs that the First Order would slowly but inevitably unravel in the wake of the first great failure, Hux knew it was time to leave. Thirty four was not so old that one could not choose a new path and forsake the past when it had disappointed him so completely. At least it wasn’t too old for Hux, cunning and determined as he was. So he abandoned what chained him down, leaving the First Order to far less capable hands that would speed up the decaying process, and set out with a new plan in mind.

 

Four years later Hux sat upon a throne of gold, laurels in his hair and white cape cascading from his shoulders down over one armrest to the floor. A little ostentatious for his tastes once the satisfaction of it all had worn away, but Hux knew the importance of maintaining expected appearances. The people of his planet loved him, seeing Hux as the wandering traveler who had saved the people of Uxling Prime from its cruel and half-deranged king.

 

Hux was a good ruler, as he had always known he would be. The people of Uxling agreed. Everyone surely knew or at least suspected that the unassuming advisor with flaming hair that had won the king’s ear had also been responsible for pouring poison in it. However, at the end of it all when the king’s corpse was cleared away and Hux steadily announced his claim of the throne, he received relieved praise rather than criticism. And when the people of Uxling were comforted after a year of steady but fair ruling from their new emperor, their loyalty was unwavering.

 

It was easy for Hux’s people to love him because not only had he released them from the servitude of a mad king, he had brought nothing but prosperity to the planet he had claimed. And once Hux was absolutely certain that his home front was secured, he turned his eyes again to the sky. For being emperor of one planet was certainly exciting, but Hux knew he was destined for much more than that. He made political allies and orchestrated structured attacks against planets foolish enough to not bow willingly.

 

By Hux’s fortieth birthday he controlled a small empire, still growing in breadth and strength, and he was pleased. Not satisfied – never satisfied – but pleased.

 

Never a man to be outsmarted, Hux decided it was time to get a personal bodyguard. His spy network indicated no social unrest or ill intent towards him but now was the time for Hux to find someone he could trust, rather than when he was desperate and might not see a looming pitfall. So Hux summonsed Phasma from where she had been overseeing his troops and asked that she find him another person Hux could trust.

 

Hux had thought he would’ve been able to leave it all behind without looking back when he left the First Order but shortly after Hux had secured Uxling he knew he needed someone whose trust was already certain. Hux had travelled so far from the star systems he knew that it had taken two months for the spy he sent to return with Phasma as requested. She had been unimpressed with him at first for his disappearing act and wouldn’t let him off the hook until he explained himself, but in the end she agreed to stay on Uxling as they both knew she would. Still, the night when she finally agreed Hux returned to his rooms alone and released an audible sigh of relief.

 

It was the perfect time to send Phasma out in search of a suitable bodyguard. Hux’s enemies were cowed after the most recent successful attack Phasma had led and Hux’s allies were increasingly eager to show that they were friend rather than foe. All was quiet in Hux’s corner of the universe, even the planet falling into a sort of hibernation as winter crept into the air and blanketed the world with white.

 

A month before the world was scheduled to thaw, Phasma returned. Hux had been anticipating at least a small group of candidates to choose from and was therefore surprised when Phasma entered the throne room with only one man in tow. They approached the dais in synchronized steps, the mystery man’s gait as steady and unwavering as Phasma’s was beside him. Phasma held up a hand and the man stopped fifteen steps from the dais while Phasma continued forward alone.

 

“I was expecting a selection,” Hux told her quietly when she was close enough to hear without his voice carrying and she stood before him to hide the movement of his lips.

 

“You don’t need a selection,” Phasma stated confidently. “His name is Kylo Ren and he’s the one you want.”

 

“What makes you so certain?” Hux scanned her face, seeking signs of nerves or discomfort that weren’t there.

 

“I knew him back before the First Order,” she answered. “I can vouch for his loyalty and his fighting with a lightsaber is unmatched.”

 

Hux raised a curious eyebrow. “A lightsaber? Well, we’ll see.” Phasma stepped away without being told and Hux again could see the stranger fully. “Ren, Phasma seems to think you’re the man for the job,” Hux said and leaned back in his throne. “Tell me why she is correct.”

 

Ren had remained standing but now his posture straightened, at attention. He was tall, possibly even slightly taller than Hux, and broad in every way. From neck to toe Ren was dressed in black, his armour sturdy but functional. Ren had black hair curling around his ears and neck, wild in a way the man’s restrained posture was not. Hux saw that his skin was tan and his face was overtaken by overlarge features. Hux’s eyes snagged on Ren’s own gaze, dark and warm and open, and that was where the wandering of his eyes ceased.

 

“I have been trained in the ways of the Force since my youth. This I can use to protect you physically and mentally as well,” Ren explained. “I am skilled with a lightsaber but also many other weapons including blasters and hand-to-hand combat. I can protect your mind from invaders and also sense ill intention towards you before it manifests. Phasma is correct because I can protect you from anything and plan to do so.”

 

Hux rubbed a hand along his jaw thoughtfully, not allowing any expression to remove his neutral mask. He was as amused by Ren’s bragging as he was impressed by his confidence. “What makes you so willing to do so?”

 

“I have heard about your time with the First Order and here. I like how you rule and I think this empire of yours deserves to keep you as a ruler as much as you deserve to hold that throne into old age.” Ren said this all in such an honest way, his gaze never wavering. Hux found himself unable to find a reason to turn him down.

 

Hux touched a hand to the pendant hidden beneath his jacket and felt a pulse of calm flow through him. It was a trinket from his youth. Hux had possessed it for so long he didn’t even retain the memory of his mother giving it to him, though it must have been from her before her passing. An oval of blue goldstone set in white gold; it was certainty not the sort of gift his father would bestow upon him. Hux had always worn it and touching it had always given Hux a sense of truth to a situation, though he could hardly explain how.

 

Assured by the calm his pendant gave him, Hux agreed at last. “Very well, I will grant you three days to shadow Phasma and learn everything you need to and then I expect you outside my door at first light on the fourth day.”

 

Hux saw the corner of Ren’s lips twitch, though with a smile or grimace Hux didn’t know because Ren inclined his head in acknowledgement. When he straightened again Ren’s face was blank and he seemed unperturbed. Their eyes locked anew and Hux couldn’t stop the slight quickening of his heartbeat when Ren didn’t break their gaze until he was nearly facing the other way, neck craned for a look over his shoulder. Hux watched him go and had to touch fingers to his pendant again before he felt steady enough to leave his throne in preparation for a mid-afternoon meeting with his advisors.

 

#

 

_It had been so long. Too long._

_Fifteen years. How could the time pass so quickly when each day had been so painful?_

_And now after fifteen years their eyes finally met and – nothing._

_Oh, how it hurt for Hux to look upon him without a glimmer of recognition, let alone any of the other emotions Kylo had foolishly hoped for._

_To be a stranger to Hux, after everything… It tore at his insides, leaving him frayed and lost._

_No, not lost, for he had found Hux again. Hux not knowing him was on Kylo’s shoulders. And he would bear that heavy weight for he had no one to blame but himself._

 

#

 

Hux sat in bed against the headboard, his thoughts fuzzy and out of sorts. He had been woken early from a dream, which was peculiar in itself for he rarely remembered his dreams. Odder still was the fact that the dream had felt clear, as solid as a memory from his meetings the day prior, and yet Hux couldn’t be certain if it _was_ a memory for he hadn’t remembered it before. Worst of all was the hollow ache it had instilled in his chest, so acute that Hux rested a hand upon his breast to ensure his heart was still beating.

 

In the dream Hux had been curled up in his childhood bed, which he had pushed against the wall and directly under the windows so that he could lie down and stare up at the starry sky. Hux was lying on his side, cradled tightly in an embrace of warm blankets, and blinking up at the stars. His childhood pet, a kitten the same colour as Hux’s hair named Millicent, sat on the sill to share in Hux’s gazing.

 

“Someday all that will be ours,” Hux had said aloud, so determined to make it true.

 

 _Ours_ , the thought had echoed, and it had felt like a promise.

 

Hux shook his head in an attempt to clear it and refocus on the present. He had never put much weight on dreams, and now was certainly not the time to begin. Hux had work to do; an empire to expand. Succumbing to the emotions borne from a figment of imagination wasn’t going to accomplish anything. And so Hux forced away the dream, ignored the ebbing ache in his chest, and dragged himself out of bed to get dressed.

 

The air was crisp but the sun rising above the horizon was warm so Hux spent a few minutes standing on his balcony, cloak clasped tightly around his body against the breeze. He overlooked the courtyard far below and the walls of his palace, deceptive with an appearance of fragile, decorative stone hiding the firm durosteel walls beneath. Beyond the walls and gates sprawled his capital, and further still the other planets drifting in the blackness of space who called him emperor.

 

 _This_ was Hux’s. Millicent may have passed away due to old age after a long and well-loved life, but Hux was keeping his promise.

 

Almost without thought Hux curled his fingers around his pendant through the fabric of his shirt and cloak. The weight of it against his palm and the fresh air comforted him, soothing away the yearning between his ribs that he didn’t understand. The knowledge came to Hux in a swell: the dream had been a figment, and he didn’t need to linger on it.

 

When he was ready Hux stepped back into his rooms, peeling away his cloak as he went. Hux hung up his cloak and then walked to his adjoined study but stopped in his tracks at what he found. He always had his breakfast delivered to his private desk so seeing the steaming mug of tea and small plate of food was not surprising. What Hux hadn’t been expecting was his new bodyguard looming nearby against a wall.

 

“Ren,” Hux acknowledged. He should have felt unease at how easily Ren had wiggled into Hux’s personal space; a deadly assassin he would be if the urge took him. But Hux didn’t feel uneasy at all, which was disconcerting in itself. “I thought I told you to be _outside_ my door in three days’ time.”

 

Ren stood at attention but his eyes explored Hux’s body far more boldly than a soldier would ever dare. “I saw enough yesterday with Phasma to be familiar with the palace and begin my work,” Ren said.

 

“Is that so?” Hux continued forward and settled into his armchair at the desk. Hux found he didn’t mind Ren’s eyes on him nearly as much as he should. “So if the palace falls you know all the secret tunnels and where they lead?” Hux asked, not missing the moment Ren’s eyes flickered away. “And if the tunnels collapse you know the fastest routes to get me through the city to our alternate ship port? Not to mention all the access codes, which cycle weekly, the codespeak my most trusted use, or where you can take me if the planet is no longer deemed safe?”

 

Ren pursed his lips and said nothing.

 

Hux waved him in the direction of the door. “Come back to me when you’re ready.”

 

He saw the way Ren’s jaw clenched. “How am I to protect you if I’m not here?”

 

“I’ve managed my whole life without you, Ren,” Hux reminded him. “I think I can survive three more days.”

 

“What if your food is poisoned?” Ren suggested sullenly.

 

Hux raised an eyebrow, mug held an inch from his lips before his first sip. “Is it?”

 

After a long pause, Ren admitted: “No.”

 

“Well then.” Hux took a pointed sip. “I will see you in three days.”

 

Ren lingered a moment longer and then left quickly, clearly agitated but doing as ordered. Hux considered Ren for a few quiet minutes while sipping his tea before he remembered he had more important things to think about and started to work while eating his breakfast.

 

#

 

_Kylo had woken to the sensation of Hux’s consciousness reaching for him in sleep, invisible fingers of Hux’s mind straining to grasp what they didn’t know._

_Kylo shied away frantically._

_When Hux woke a minute later Kylo felt his pain; a pain Kylo had become intimately familiar with over the last fifteen years._

_Having been given the room next door to Hux’s own, it was impossible for Kylo to resist the urge to go to him._

_Kylo had always known Hux would age well and the sight of him, skin and hair bathed in the morning’s glow, was more than enough to steal his breath the way it always had._

_It had been worth it, despite how it hurt for Hux to send him away shortly after._

 

#

 

Three days later Hux stepped out of his rooms into the hallway and paused. He watched Ren push himself off the wall he had been leaning against to stand fully. “As ordered,” Ren pointed out.

 

Hux’s lips quirked upward before he could rein in the micro expression. “For some reason I expected you to disobey again.”

 

Ren gave a lopsided half-smile. “And why is that?”

 

Hux tapped a finger against his lips, wondering the same thing. After a moment he replied somewhat hesitantly. “I’m not sure. You just strike me as stubborn.”

 

“That I am,” Ren confessed. His tone was light but it clashed against the thoughtful furrow of his eyebrows.

 

Hux would learn everything there was to know about his new bodyguard. When he knew Ren’s mind better than the bodyguard himself, Hux could understand him and therefore predict him. But now was not the time; a busy day awaited him as he met with his advisors to oversee last-minute preparations before an expected delegation arrived the following day. They were from a wayward planet suing for peace, ready to join Hux’s empire.

 

Hux’s finger paused, resting against his lower lip. Ren’s eyes glanced down and back up. “I suppose it depends on what you’re going to be stubborn about. Will you be for me or against me?”

 

He saw Ren’s throat constrict as he swallowed before answering. “For you.”

 

Hux clasped his hands behind his back and leaned closer. “Will you protect me with your life?”

 

“Always,” Ren answered solidly, his gaze intense and unblinking.

 

Ren’s response shook Hux because there was a weight to that word Hux hadn’t earned. It erased any hint of doubt from Hux’s mind. He didn’t even feel the urge to touch his pendant to be sure. Ren would protect Hux with his life, and that was the end of it.

 

After clearing his throat, Hux gave a small nod in acknowledgement. “I expect nothing less,” he said, though something about the statement felt wrong.

 

#

 

Ren became his shadow and Hux couldn’t say that he minded. By early summer Hux had become so accustomed to Ren’s presence that to be without it left him feeling astray. He brought Ren into meetings with those who needed reminding that Hux was more than the gold in his hair. Hux was a military man rather than a politician and he made sure no one forgot it. Ren’s physically imposing presence always set the right tone no matter which corner of the meeting room he darkened and no one dared even a negative thought in Hux’s direction.

 

Hux knew this because one evening before he entered his rooms, Ren had offered to provide insight into the minds of those Hux sat with earlier in the day. Hux knew of the Force, of course, but he had never known a Force wielder before. After a moment’s pause Hux waved Ren into joining Hux in his rooms and the next two hours passed with Ren divulging the hidden secrets and motivations of allies and enemies alike.

 

“Have you read my mind?” Hux wondered, falsely casual to hide his true curiosity and nerves. In case Ren took his question as an invitation, Hux quickly purged his mind of any thoughts he had recently had about Ren’s appealing physique.

 

Ren shook his head immediately. “Not once since my arrival.”

 

“Is it not tempting to peek into the mind of an emperor?” Hux teased, more playful now due to his instant relief and the tiredness from a long day.

 

“Tempting, yes,” Ren said with a chuckle, though his smile afterward was sad before it faded entirely. “I swear I won’t though.”

 

“Never?” Hux prodded.

 

“Never,” Ren affirmed. Hux sat back in his chair, confused about why he suddenly felt disappointed rather than relieved. Ren misunderstood his expression. “You can trust me,” he insisted.

 

Hux sighed, worn out for reasons he couldn’t explain. “I _do_ trust you, Ren. That wasn’t what I was thinking.”

 

“What were you thinking then?” Ren asked him, leaning forward the same distance Hux had leaned back in his chair.

 

It didn’t matter that Hux couldn’t decide whether to answer Ren’s question because he couldn’t even find the words to express his thoughts. How could he explain a senseless desire to see what it felt like to have Ren in his mind? How could he justify a baseless notion that having Ren in his mind would bring them closer together than they had already become over the last half year? He shouldn’t even _want_ that. Hux had already indulged himself enough with unfulfilled thoughts about Ren’s company and how pleasant it could be.

 

“I think I need to sleep,” Hux said at last, rubbing at his tired eyes.

 

Ren deflated in his armchair, noticeably lost in his own thoughts. Hux should have shooed him away immediately but didn’t, granting Ren leeway he would give to no one else. Instead Hux sat quietly and watched Ren think. He truly was a beautiful man. When Hux had first seen Ren he thought the man’s facial features were overlarge. Now he appreciated them as balanced with the rest of his form, and distinguished. Ren’s eyes were his favourite; able to capture him as easily as they had that first day. Ren’s lips were a close second, especially with those rare, private smiles Hux felt were just for him.

 

Eventually Hux pulled himself out of his armchair and rested a hand on Ren’s shoulder. It wasn’t the first time they had touched but he felt a little shock race up his fingers all the same. Ren startled and glanced up at him through his lashes, looking shy. “We both need sleep,” Hux said.

 

Ren nodded and stood but did so in a way that didn’t dislodge Hux’s hand. The electricity rushed through him again when their eyes locked the way they always seemed to, this time speeding the beat of his heart in his chest. Hux wondered if Ren felt it too but refused to ask. He removed his hand at last and Ren took a step backwards. “Goodnight, Hux,” he said, and then left swiftly.

 

Ren had never once called him emperor the way everyone else did. Hux had never enforced it. Hearing Ren call Hux anything other than his name would break Hux in some small way, he was certain.

 

#

 

_How he craved to feel Hux’s mind again, the way he had so frequently in their past._

_The way Hux’s mind opened only for him, wrapped him in an embrace and then melted, their minds becoming one. Kylo would know each of Hux’s thoughts as one of his own, each movement of Hux’s body flowing like an extension of Kylo’s limbs._

_It was Hux’s mind he missed more than anything else, though Kylo missed his body too. Severed off as he was Kylo felt like he was adrift in space, cold and alone._

_But he would not – could not brush against Hux’s mind again the way he wished. Because then everything would unravel at the seams._

_#_

Hux sat at his private desk, reading over a policy he planned to unveil to his advisory council and then the empire shortly thereafter. Hux had already read it, edited it and tweaked it so many times the words began to blur, though he was determined to confirm nothing was amiss. Besides, the rain outside fell heavy and cold against the windows as autumn set in and Hux had no meetings scheduled for the day.

 

Ren sighed heavily from where he sat in an armchair nearby. Hux’s concentration snapped and he glanced over. He had already told Ren two hours earlier to sit rather than stand, and warned of a long, quiet day. “Is there a problem?” Hux asked, though he already knew what aggrieved his bodyguard.

 

“I fear dozing with boredom,” Ren complained, glancing sideways at Hux.

 

Hux rolled his eyes. “I’m sure there are more entertaining activities elsewhere in the palace,” he suggested, ignoring his selfish desire to keep Ren by his side at all times. “You could leave.”

 

“I will not,” Ren retorted with a tired but resolute stubbornness.

 

Hux offered a small smile, silently pleased, and returned to his work. Nearly an hour passed before Hux’s concentration was diverted again, this time by the movement of Ren standing from his chair. “Did you change your mind?”

 

“You’ve stared at that policy so long I have no doubt it’s memorized,” Ren said as he stepped to the edge of Hux’s desk, close enough to brush his hand along Hux’s arm. Hux told himself he shouldn’t want Ren to do so. “It’s time you take a break.”

 

Hux set his work down fully on his desk and turned slightly in his chair, his arm now inches from Ren’s hand. “And what do you propose I do instead?”

 

“You watch me in fight training often enough,” Ren said. “This time I’ll take you through the paces to ensure you haven’t gotten rusty.”

 

“Rusty?” Hux repeated. “What makes you think I’m trained at all?” In false contemplation Hux placed a hand over his mouth to hide his smirk.

 

“Well I—I just assumed,” Ren stumbled over his words, much to Hux’s curiosity. “You have mentioned studying at Arkanis Academy.”

 

“Indeed I have,” Hux agreed, noting Ren’s flustered behaviour for later consideration. “Very well, we’ll go as you wish.”

 

As he stood and moved from the desk Hux’s shoulder brushed Ren’s own, though neither of them commented. Once Hux had changed into training-appropriate clothing he emerged from his bedroom and they walked in step down the halls towards the palace’s gymnasium. Halfway there Hux slowed his pace and Ren mirrored him as they approached Phasma. She looked between them leisurely. “And where are you two heading?” she wondered aloud, though the answer was plain considering their attire.

 

“Ren has insisted I receive some physical training to ensure I haven’t become rusty,” Hux explained. Beside him Ren’s hands fidgeted at his sides.

 

Phasma tilted her head ever so slightly, amusement in her eyes. Of course she knew Hux wasn’t rusty in the slightest. “By all means,” she stepped out of their path and held out a hand. Her smirk was now obvious. “Don’t let me get in your way.”

 

Hux felt like a child sneaking a cookie before dinner as he and Ren slunk by Phasma, but he wouldn’t let it stop them. The gym was empty when they arrived and, as promised, Ren took Hux through every training exercise Hux knew and a few he didn’t. Hux couldn’t claim to be as skilled with a sword as Phasma, and Ren’s lightsaber when offered felt unwieldy in Hux’s grasp. Yet Hux was unperturbed, for his skills lay in marksmanship and hand-to-hand combat.

 

Hux was accustomed to winning when it came to fighting without weapons. He was small but fast and flexible, able to dodge or twist out of his opponent’s grasp when they underestimated him. However, Ren was a behemoth, plain and simple. And as they squared off for their match, Hux was treated to a nasty surprise when Ren seemingly predicted each of Hux’s trick moves an instant before he executed them.

 

He was still faster than Ren, and able to escape each time Ren caught him off guard, but it wasn’t long before Hux was panting. “Are you reading my mind?” he accused at some point while they circled one another on the mats.

 

Ren maintained his posture, slightly hunched to lower his center of gravity, but his eyes briefly lifted from Hux’s feet to his face. “No,” Ren said. “I don’t need to read your mind when I can read your body’s tells.” Hux gritted his teeth at the thought. Was he truly so obvious, or was this another result of Ren’s oddly keen sense about Hux?

 

Determined to wipe that smug look off Ren’s face, Hux doubled his focus. He would look one way before dodging the opposite, quicker on his feet than he ever remembered. Hux feigned blows and ducked out of Ren’s grapples, edging closer until he could finally strike. It came as a sweep of his leg against Ren’s ankles, so instinctive of Ren’s sudden lack of balance that there was no way Hux had hinted at the move in advance.

 

Ren went down like a felled tree in an old, forgotten forest; his weight hit the mat with a low thud and it shook Hux if not the whole world. Hux chased his advantage and in a blink he was above Ren on the mats, forearm against Ren’s throat. “Do you yield?” he demanded through gasped breaths for air, his heart still racing from the exertion.

 

Ren nodded and then winced when the movement pressed his throat against Hux’s forearm. Ren was breathing hard as well and sweat matted his hair against his forehead. Suddenly Hux was overly aware of how close they were, feeling the rise and fall of Ren’s body below him as they tried to catch their breath. Hux removed his forearm but didn’t withdraw further, knees bracketing Ren’s hips and hands on the mats. He knew he should move away but couldn’t. Ren was so warm beneath him and his large, tempting lips were so close…

 

Hux startled when he felt a thumb brush against the bare skin of his waist. When did Ren slip his thumb beneath Hux’s shirt? When had Ren placed his hand upon Hux’s hip? Such a simple touch, forbidden to anyone else, and it infused Hux with longing. How easy it would be to close the charged distance between them and taste Ren’s lips. How badly he wanted Ren to roll them over and press Hux into the mats with his body.

 

“Ren…” Hux whispered as he cupped the side of Ren’s face with a palm.

 

Ren leaned into the touch and Hux had no doubt that Ren wanted everything Hux wanted and more.

 

Before Hux could work up the courage to defy logic and give in, the sound of voices from the changing rooms knocked some awareness back into him. It sounded like some soldiers would be entering the gym momentarily for training and Hux had no interest in being found in this position. Hux disentangled himself from Ren’s hold and stood, resolutely ignoring the urge to grind the heel of his palm against himself.

 

“We should go,” he murmured uncertainly, surprised that Ren hadn’t moved. When he looked down Hux bit his lip to keep silent for all he wanted to do was apologize. Ren still lay on the mats but his eyes were cast towards the ceiling and he looked… broken. Hux had hurt him, and Hux could hardly bear it. “Please, Ren,” his voice wavered.

 

Ren blinked and came back to himself. Hux watched him roll over and stand, walking away quickly to start putting away the training items they had used over the last few hours. Hux desperately wanted to go to Ren and wrap him in a hug, face pressed between Ren’s shoulder blades. He wanted Ren to turn into that embrace and hold Hux close, promise him that it would be okay, if not now then someday.

 

A headache settled at the base of Hux’s skull and he held his head in his hands. He had never known this sort of confusion before; pain mixed with desire mixed with fear mixed with hope. It was too much in that moment and Hux stood by the door waiting for Ren so they could leave together ahead of the crowd of soldiers. Cowardly as it was, when they returned to his rooms Hux dismissed Ren for the rest of the afternoon. He wouldn’t let their eyes meet for he didn’t know what would happen if they did. Ren leaving without a word in protest hurt most of all, and when Hux was alone he stood under his shower’s spray until his skin turned red.

 

#

 

_Kylo lay on his stomach, hitched up on his knees just enough to lift his hips and leave room for his hand to encircle his weeping cock._

_The crisp sheets of his palace bed were not what Kylo saw. Instead he had drawn upon a memory he couldn’t resist, back in their youth when desire and affection was given and welcomed without question._

_They were in Hux’s bed and it was a rare night when the house was empty, accepting of any noises or words they wished to shout._

_Kylo was above him, never tiring of covering Hux’s slimmer body with his own. Hux’s legs were around Kylo’s waist, his fingers clutching desperately at Kylo’s biceps. Kylo was thrusting into Hux’s body at a frenzied pace, both of them already nearing the end after over an hour of foreplay._

_“I love you,” Hux declared openly as his nails dug into Kylo’s skin. Kylo watched his eyes clench closed and his lips part, a whine escaping as Hux’s body tensed around him. “Ah—Kylo, I love you, I love you!”_

_As Hux spilled across his stomach Kylo kissed Hux hard and needy. “I love you too, Armitage,” he promised, shuddering as his body flirted with his climax. “Stars, I’ll always love you.”_

_Kylo came across his hand in bed alone with a weak cry. Only minutes later when he had recovered from his orgasm did he realize he had whispered those words aloud, and that his pillow was wet from tears._

 

#

 

Hux heard the door open but remained in bed, staring in a daze at the ceiling with his limbs tangled in the sheets. Images spun across his vision, unheard echoes in his ears. Closing his eyes only made the dizziness worse. Hux had been dreaming again, more frequently as time passed since the first dream that had woken him over one year ago. Normally Hux was able to brush them aside but this morning his dream vied for his attention on an unending loop.

 

In the dream Hux had been in the lush forest located behind Arkanis Academy, in his early twenties if Hux guessed correctly. It was a rare day of sun. The air was warm, the world green and alive around him. Hux was in a comfortable tunic and sturdy boots and he was running. No, not running… _chasing_ , _seeking_.

 

Yet Hux couldn’t distinguish his prey. He didn’t feel the urge to maim or kill, no sense of survival nipping at his heels as he rushed through dense undergrowth. Hux only knew an insistent urge to find what he was looking for, and to confirm that he could continue finding it again and again no matter what. The world of green swam before his eyes as he continued that endless hunt, over and over.

 

“Hux?” Ren approached the bed slowly. Hux barely registered him. Only the weight of Ren sitting on the edge of his bed and resting a hand upon Hux’s uncovered hand drew Hux’s world back into focus.

 

His eyes jumped over to Ren. “What is it?”

 

Ren raised a questioning eyebrow. “You’re an hour behind in your schedule. Your breakfast is cold.”

 

“Oh. Right,” Hux said with a sigh. He returned his eyes to the ceiling if only to avoid the feeling that Ren could read his thoughts through his gaze. “I’m sick. Please have my schedule cancelled for the day.”

 

Hux felt the way Ren’s hand twitched against his own. Hux thought he should brush Ren’s hand aside. He didn’t. “You don’t look sick,” Ren observed.

 

“Well, I am,” Hux snapped.

 

“Do you want me to summon your doctor?” Ren asked. Hux shook his head quickly. “You’re sick but won’t see a doctor,” he deadpanned.

 

Hux chuckled and glanced back at Ren, this time allowing his eyes to remain on his face. “Stop being such a worrier. I just feel a bit dizzy. It will pass.”

 

As if on instinct Hux rotated his hand until their palms brushed and he squeezed Ren’s hand reassuringly. Ren returned the gesture too quick to have had conscious thought behind the move. It filled Hux with warmth he surrendered to, if only for a few minutes, and the longer his eyes remained locked with Ren’s, the less dizzy he got. “Better?” Ren asked him at one point, the passage of time long forgotten.

 

Hux blinked but didn’t look away. “How can you tell?”

 

“Your eyes are sharper,” Ren tried to explain and shrugged. “Before you seemed… elsewhere.”

 

Hux considered this and then looked down at their joined hands. Hux forced himself to break the hold even though the moment their skin parted a desperate loneliness overwhelmed him. He didn’t understand it. Nearly forty-one years in age and Hux had never taken a lover, had never even felt the inclination to do so. Now every day Hux was conscious of how empty his bed – his rooms – his _life_ felt. He knew this change coincided with Ren’s arrival but Hux had always thought himself above the foolishness of infatuation.

 

“Ren, I have a question for you but it cannot leave this room,” Hux started cautiously. Ren’s hand remained on the blanket where it had been dropped, his eyes sorrowful but curious. He already knew Ren could be trusted but Hux waited for him to nod in agreement all the same. “Is there someone else in your life?”

More than a year had gone by and Hux had learned much about his bodyguard, but a partner or lost love had never been mentioned. At thirty-nine and considering Ren’s appeal, both physically and as a companion, Hux found this hard to believe. But then there were times Hux saw the way Ren looked at him, when he thought Hux couldn’t see, and it seemed more believable. Those were the moments when Hux felt equally nervous and hopeful.

 

“There is no one but you,” Ren told him, words slow and serious like he was weighed down by the fact.

 

A thrill of excitement filled Hux’s veins that he struggled to contain lest he embarrass himself. “And what of me?” he continued hesitantly.

 

Ren’s gaze was on the blanket; on his lonely hand. “What are you asking me, Hux?”

 

Hux weathered his lower lip between his teeth, wondering the same thing. Did he really want to pursue this? Did he dare open himself up to confusion, weakness and the potential for betrayal, disappointment or heartache? Normally Hux would say a resolute no. But there was something about Ren that made him want to say _yes, yes, yes_.

 

“Do you love me?” At last the words were out, and they hung with heavy expectation in the air between them. There was a brief burst of elation that swept through Hux at the thought that _this was it_. But then his heart began to sink into his stomach when Ren refused to look up. Hux reached for Ren’s hand and felt a lump form in his throat when Ren pulled his hand away. “Because…” Hux swallowed hard, knowing somehow that this was right no matter how badly it hurt. “Because I think I love you.”

 

Ren clenched his eyes closed as though Hux had hurled insults at him instead of love. Perhaps to Ren it was all the same when it came from Hux. Maybe Hux had been wholly incorrect in thinking this was mutual. “Hux, I—” Ren sounded choked.

 

“I know it’s foolish,” Hux whispered at last. “I know it would be easier without these feelings.” Hux fell into silence as he sought the right words to explain that he didn’t want what was easy. But then Ren stood from the bed as though burned, so quickly and suddenly that Hux flinched. Hux reached for him but Ren was already gone, out the door before Hux could utter more than a pathetic plea that drifted unheard through the air.

 

#

 

_Sixteen years since Hux had last whispered those words against Ren’s lips: I love you._

_Kylo thought he would never hear them again. But then Hux had said it again. The words had been more hesitant and nervous than Kylo remembered but that was to be expected; to Hux this was new. It was Kylo whose love had remained constant._

_Yet Hux didn’t want these feelings; had said so himself. Already Hux thought it was too much trouble, easier to ignore, and that was without even knowing all that was left buried and unexplained._

_Kylo had toyed with telling Hux for a half year now, but was always held back by ‘what ifs’._

_What if Hux didn’t believe him?_

_What if Hux was angry at Kylo for not telling him sooner?_

_What if Hux rejected what they had shared in the past? What they could be in the future?_

_What if it was too late and Hux’s memories were unrecoverable?_

_Kylo paced the length of his room long into the night lost in thought but come morning he decided he was ready to take a chance. Regardless of what happened next, he couldn't bear withholding the truth from Hux a day longer._

 

#

 

Hux had spent the rest of the day in bed, heartsick and wallowing in self-pity. The following morning Hux forced himself out of bed and into the shower, the spray clearing some of the fog from his mind. He was in no mental condition to meet with his advisors or the public but that didn’t mean Hux couldn’t work in his private study. Hux drank tea and ate little and avoided bed and the dreams of happier days that plagued him.

 

On the third day there was a quiet knock at his study door and Phasma walked in. “Sir, Kylo Ren insists he speak with you,” she said. “I told him your orders to not be disturbed but he refuses to leave the hallway outside your rooms. It’s become rather ridiculous.”

 

Hux snorted in tired amusement and set down his datapad. His insides were twisting into knots at the thought of what Ren might have to say to him, but logically Hux knew they had to navigate this conversation someday. No sense delaying. “I’ll see him,” Hux sighed and braced himself when Phasma exited the room to tell Ren the message.

 

A mere minute was the only time Hux had to mentally prepare himself before Ren barged into the room and slammed his hands on Hux’s desk. “You’re shutting me out.”

 

Hux pursed his lips, anger fuelled by pain and disbelief. “You’re the one who left.”

 

Ren huffed and balled his hands into fists at his sides. “You said it would be easier without these feelings. I… I thought you made your decision.” Ren had begun indignant and ended uncertain.

 

Hux stood and pushed his chair away, drawing level with Ren’s searching gaze. Ren glanced away. “You didn’t wait for me to finish,” Hux accused. “It may be easier without these emotions yet here they are, and it feels inevitable that I would love you.”

 

“Inevitable isn’t always good,” Ren balked, though there was no belief to strengthen his words.

 

“This time it is,” Hux stated firmly. He took a deep, steadying breath and stepped into Ren’s personal space, close enough to brush his fingers questioningly against Ren’s hand. “It feels like safety and certainty, like nothing could stop this,” Hux told him honestly. “I feel like I’ve known you my whole life and I don’t know why.”

 

Hux was scared of rejection right up until Ren loosened his hand from a fist and laced their fingers together. Ren looked back at him and Hux saw Ren’s eyes were once again open and so very warm. “It’s because you have.”

 

Hux squeezed Ren’s hand, dizzy at hearing a statement he couldn’t comprehend, even though somewhere deep inside he knew it to be true. “I don’t understand,” he admitted.

 

Ren shuffled his feet but didn’t loosen his grasp on Hux’s hand. “We met when you were ten and I was eight. Your father had brought you to a festival being held by my mother, Leia Organa-Solo. I was Ben Solo back then,” Ren explained and though Hux didn’t doubt Ren, no memories or inkling of familiarity surfaced. “From the moment our eyes met we were soul bonded. There was no question; we just knew.”

 

Now Hux clasped Ren’s hand between both of his own, seeking the only stability he trusted to keep him standing. “Ren, I… There’s no memory of you I can recall before you entered my throne room.”

 

Ren nodded, expression solemn. “When you were twenty-five you had already been in the First Order for two years trying to build a reputation and I was just graduating from Arkanis Academy where we had studied together. A powerful creature named Snoke had taken an interest in my Force abilities. There was no choice for me; I would become his apprentice whether I wished it or not.”

 

Hux licked his lips, anxious at being devoid of these important memories. How could he have lived his whole life believing one thing and then realize things had been entirely different from what he recalled? “And what did that have to do with my memories?”

 

“Snoke was going to have you killed,” Ren whispered, so brokenly that Hux felt a pang of agony in his own heart. “Hux, just the thought—”

 

“Shh,” Hux hushed him quietly, caressing a thumb against Ren’s wrist. “I’m here.”

 

Ren engulfed Hux in a hug so tight and desperate that Hux couldn’t pull away if he wanted to. Instead he wrapped his arms around Ren’s shoulders, encircled in Ren’s embrace. Ren tucked his face into the crook of Hux’s neck and there Hux let him stay. Hux was still distraught at the thought of his memories being gone and impatient to learn the whole story but in this moment his priority was keeping Ren from falling to pieces. Hux had read about soul bonds in the past and to be parted from your bonded for so long would destroy most people.

 

After a long minute, Ren took a deep breath and leaned back, collecting himself to continue the necessary explanation. “Snoke wanted to severe the connection I had with you because he said it would be a distraction. I begged him to let me wipe your memories instead and block the soul bond so that you could live your life safe and unaware. He agreed, in the end, because he said my pain from losing you would fuel my power.”

 

“And my memories…” Hux gripped Ren’s shoulders tightly. “Are they…?”

 

“Not gone.” Ren shook his head and tapped one finger against Hux’s pendant, hidden beneath his shirt. Ren would not have been able to tell its precise placement against Hux’s collar unless Ren could sense it, somehow. “In here.”

 

Hux placed his own hand upon the pendant through his shirt, understanding now the warmth and truth he had always felt from the stone when he sought its comfort. “My mother gave me this.” It was more question than statement.

 

Ren didn’t appear upset but he shook his head again. “I gave it to you. It was my inheritance, to be given as a gift to my bonded mate when I met them.” Now Ren was smiling, and it was with an affection that spoke of love decades old, tested and never faded. “The stone is said to protect from bad energies and it connected us when we were apart. Your parents and my parents didn’t know of our bond because we feared they would never approve so you hid the pendant, but you never took it off. To this day,” Ren added after a pause, clearly emotional from this fact.

 

Hux wanted to know more. He wanted to know _everything_. Hux wanted to remember every day, every look and touch he had shared with Ren over the years. What had it felt like when their eyes first met and Hux suddenly _knew_ he had a mate, someone to love and understand him until the end of days? What had their first kiss been like? What was Ren like as a child; as a youth? How different had Hux’s life been with Ren in his life, compared to the lonely childhood he remembered?

 

“I want my memories back, Ren. Please,” Hux pleaded, eyes imploring. “It’s the easiest decision I’ve ever made.” Ren hesitated, weathering his bottom lip. Hux frowned. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I don’t know if it will work,” Ren confessed with a tired sigh. “Besides worrying you wouldn’t want the memories back or would be mad at me, I also delayed in telling you for that reason. It’s been so long – sixteen years.” Hux’s eyes widened with realization and fear. To know so many years of his memories, of falling in love with and being with Ren were gone and may be lost forever… "That's why I never touched your mind with the Force in case doing so unintentionally started the process."

 

“Ren—” Hux couldn’t find the air to breathe and this time it was Ren holding him close until the rush of emotion abated to a manageable roar. “You _must_ try.”

 

“And if it doesn’t work?” Ren asked quietly.

 

Hux attempted a few deep breaths, clinging for logic while his emotions drowned him. "Could you still love me although my love is new?"

 

Ren looped an arm around the small of Hux's back, their bodies aligned and their faces close enough for Hux to feel Ren's breath fanning across his face. "Hux, I never stopped loving you," Ren promised him with a whisper.

 

Ren leaned in, hesitated, and Hux closed the remaining distance to meet him halfway. The first brush of lips set flame to the kindling of a fire within Hux that he had never known but now acknowledged readily. They held one another close as Hux tilted his face ever so slightly, their lips locking with instinctive ease. This was Hux's first kiss that he could remember but his lips and body knew Ren, a sense of familiar absolution welling up within his chest.

 

The kiss lingered, both of them clearly wanting to continue, but they broke apart as one. "We should stop before we..." Ren cleared his throat, expression sheepish, "...get more distracted."

 

Hux smirked, knowing Ren was right but refusing to leave his arms. "How long do you think it will take? Should I warn Phasma so she doesn't think you murdered me?"

 

"Likely a good idea," Ren agreed with a chuckle. "I have no idea how long this could take and I'd rather not get skewered upon her sword. Come to your bedroom when you're ready."

 

Butterflies of nerves fluttered their eager wings against Hux's ribcage at those words but he brushed the sensation momentarily aside. Hux nodded and stepped out of Ren's embrace to instead meet with Phasma out in the hallway to ask for patience and privacy. She already knew his feelings for Ren or had at least guessed and the rest was too complicated to explain when Hux was so impatient. Instead he promised a full explanation the next time they emerged from the room but Hux promised no definitive time for when that would be. Phasma rolled her eyes but nudged his arm good-naturedly and muttered "about time" before promising to remain guard as long as needed.

 

Back inside his rooms Hux walked quicker than he would admit into his bedroom, slowing only when he saw Ren sitting on the edge of his bed. Ren had removed most of his clothing except for his black pants and undershirt, his bare feet beneath his crossed legs. "I think it would be better that you lie down in case you get dizzy or it takes a while," Ren explained, plucking nervously at a loose thread of Hux's duvet.

 

"Understandable," Hux said and slowly stepped out of his own shoes. He removed excess layers as well and, after hesitating for a moment with his fingers clasping the hem of his shirt, he pulled it up and over his head. He saw Ren watching him with open desire, dark eyes exploring every inch of Hux's exposed torso. "Do I look the same?" Hux wondered shyly.

 

"You look..." Ren's voice cut off with a wobble. When Ren held out a hand Hux went to him and shivered as Ren held his waist with both hands. Ren kissed Hux's sternum just below the pendant and then rested his forehead against the same skin, breathing deeply. "You are my Armitage," Ren told him. "Made all the more beautiful from age and my relief to have you back."

 

Hux slid his fingers into Ren's loose hair and kissed the top of his head. He had never liked his first name, associating it only with his abusive father and absent mother. The way Ren said his name made Hux think his feelings towards it might change. Hux could easily love Ren like this, and knew Ren loved him too, but if possible Hux wanted those many years of memories back. "I'm ready," he said into Ren's hair.

 

Hux was led onto his bed, on his back with his hands laced loosely on his stomach. Ren shuffled closer, knees brushing Hux's side and spreading warmth into Hux's hip and ribs. "I'm going to start," Ren warned him. "Tell me if anything feels off." Hux nodded his understanding and when a burst of nerves consumed him he reached one hand out for Ren to grasp. Ren's other hand gently rested above Hux's pendant, warming the stone between Ren's palm and Hux's chest.

 

A second later Hux felt a presence brush against his mind, the sensation new but Ren's mind familiar and welcome. "How does it feel?" Hux thought he heard Ren ask, though the words seemed muffled as dark spots began to dance across his vision. He heard Ren calling for him but his voice was too quiet and Hux had already drifted away as darkness swallowed him.


	2. Part Two: Memories

**Part Two: Memories**

At the age of ten there were plenty of things Hux would prefer to be doing rather than attend a political festival with his father. Alas, freedom of choice was a lofty notion in his childhood and so he played the role of dutiful son as they entered the gates of a massive courtyard, Hux at his father's heels. There was nothing his father could do to hide the brightness of Hux's hair, so vibrant compared to Brendol's, but Hux had his hair gelled down the best he could. His black military outfit was tailored precisely, matching Brendol's minus the flashy medals and ranking stripes.

 

"Don't embarrass me today," Brendol warned Hux beneath his breath before they broke into the swarm of attendees. "I've already explained how valuable an alliance with the Organa-Solo line could be."

 

"Yes, father," Hux muttered.

 

Brendol stopped abruptly and Hux nearly bumped into him before catching himself. "Wipe that attitude off your face before I smack it off," his father hissed.

 

Hux looked straight ahead and schooled his face into a neutral mask. "Yes, father."

 

"That's better," Brendol huffed and they continued forward.

 

They walked through the decorated courtyard and amassed people, all wearing different attire and unique languages buzzing in Hux's ears. He refused to look around though, keeping his eyes forward as he had been taught. As a pair they approached the large tent made of white canvas where Senator Leia Organa-Solo, her attendants and he son were located. Hux had already been schooled about this Senator and her family so he was unsurprised when he saw Ben Solo was dressed in the loose brown tunic of a padawan. However, it was surprising seeing the young boy leaning against one of the tent poles, arms crossed and expression sour.

 

"Commandant," Senator Leia greeted them when they stepped into the shadow of the tent. Her smile was practiced, her eyes sharp. "Thank you for your attendance. I see you've brought your son with you."

 

"Armitage Hux," Brendol introduced him, Hux holding out his hand to shake the Senator's after his father had already done so.

 

"Thank you for the invitation," Hux stated with practiced ease.

 

Her eyes remained sharp but her smile felt more natural when turned upon him. "Armitage, I would like to introduce you to my son. Ben, stop sulking and come meet Armitage," she called to Ben and then turned back to him to speak under her breath. "He was complaining about not seeing anyone near his age so I'm sure he'll be happy to meet you."

 

Hux doubted that, judging by the quiet grumble he caught from Ben as he pushed away from the pole to step closer. Still, Hux had a role to perform and he plastered a smile onto his face as he looked over at Ben. In an instant the world fell away from him, narrowed to Ben's brown irises, and from one breath to the next everything changed.

 

Brendol had had Hux tested as a child and determined his Force sensitivity was null. Now Hux felt a portion of his mind and heart unlocking, blossoming into his consciousness and making him aware of Ben in an impossible way. And as his mind and heart reached out Ben was there to meet him halfway, a connection forming in the air between them. Hux could almost imagine a silvery thread tying them together with how tangible it felt, and by the time he exhaled and filled his lungs anew it was done.

 

Hux returned to the world with the sudden but certain truth that he was Ben's as Ben was his, and that there was nothing more powerful in the universe than their bonded souls. Hux's smile turned genuine as he watched Ben trip and catch himself before thrusting a hand out awkwardly with his own lopsided grin. "Hello, I'm Ben. May I escort you through the festival today?"

 

"Absolutely," he answered, forgetting to wait for his father's permission. But Senator Leia was smiling and when Hux glanced up his father gave him a condoning shrug so Hux slipped his hand into Ben's warm one and let himself be pulled away.

 

Ben took them to a garden sprawled along the outer edge of the courtyard. A few attendees wandered through but Ben found them a little hideaway behind a wall of rose bushes and soon enough they were alone together. It was Ben who answered Hux's questions about what had happened, teaching him about soul bonds and everything they entailed. It was against everything Hux had been taught but he had no desire to question or fight it. He was aware of the link between them that had not existed that morning, and could already feel its splendour.

 

When Hux focused he could sense Ben's heartbeat and a hint of his emotions – a flurry of warmth, excitement and disbelief. There was also an innate affection Hux felt for Ben despite them being near strangers and through the bond he could feel Ben's affection in return. For the first time in his life Hux felt like he belonged – not some _where_ but with some _one_. With Ben, to be exact. Hux somehow knew that regardless of any pitfalls and challenges they may face, there was nothing that could keep them apart forever, and that they would always be there for one another. With that in mind Hux had never felt more stable, accepted or capable of taking on the universe.

 

Together they devised a plan to turn their parents' political goals into a means to remain physically close and within one another's lives. They would encourage their parents to have Ben join Hux at the Academy for schooling during the academic year and then in the summers when Ben had to return home for padawan training Hux would visit as often as he could. They both agreed that their parents wouldn't look favourably upon their bond and so they would keep it secret until they were older and away from their parents' oversight.

 

Once that had been decided they spent the rest of the festival together, realizing only when they stood to leave their hideaway that they were still holding hands. They ate lunch and then dinner in the other's company, asking questions and sharing stories without pause to learn as much as they could about their mate. It was when guests began to say their farewells and head down the path towards the hangar bay for their ships home that it really sunk in: they would be parted. Although Hux and Ben had tried to talk their parents into agreeing to their schooling plan, the Senator and Commandant were too busy schmoozing with guests to make any definite plans.

 

Hux knew his father would be looking for him but he remained hidden and out of sight, hands clasped with Ben's. "I don't want you to leave," Ben whined.

 

Hux squeezed Ben's hands and tried to send comfort through their new but strong bond. "We'll speak through our datapads and try to get you transferred to the Academy for the upcoming school year."

 

Ben nodded and they pulled one another into a long, lingering hug. Only when Hux heard his father's voice calling his name did they grudgingly break apart and step back into view with a respectable distance between them. It was so very hard to say goodbye to Ben and walk away, Hux comforted only by the sensation of their bond remaining steadfast and warm despite the physical distance growing between them.

 

#

 

Hux heard the familiar hum and vibration of the ship rising through the planet's atmosphere. As soon as they were clear of the planet's orbit the pilot would switch to hyper drive and it would be a mere hour before they returned to Arkanis. Hux was walking down the hallway with his father, following their normal tradition of passing the trip in their own private rooms. Hux had just reached his door as the ship switched to light speed and a gasp escaped Hux's lips. He had to clutch the handle of his door to stop his knees from buckling beneath him, feeling like he was being torn in two.

 

"What's wrong with you, boy?" Brendol looked back over his shoulder, having reached his own door when he heard Hux's gasp.

 

Hux's instinct was to press a hand against his racing heart but instead he held it against his stomach, feigning illness. "Stomach cramp," he lied with a grimace. "I'm going to lie down to rest."

 

Brendol gave a grunt and a nod before disappearing into his room. Hux turned the handle of his own door and fell to the floor inside his room, managing to kick the door closed behind him. On his back, Hux covered his face with his hands as tears spilled free, choked sobs escaping him on each ragged breath. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried but he did now with open agony. Hux could feel the place in his mind and heart designated to the bond straining at the sudden distance between him and Ben, threatening to tear. It felt too powerful for the description of being heartsick but Hux could think of no other way to rationalize what he was feeling.

 

Still on the floor Hux felt a presence flutter against his mind. There were no words but Hux felt Ben's concern and comfort curl up around him like a warm, tight hug. The ache his heart and longing to be back with Ben remained but Hux felt Ben's presence stemming his tears as he slowly calmed and settled. Hux crawled into his bed and mentally clung to Ben as the vastness of space separated them. He was relieved when their bond bowed but never broke and by the time the ship arrived at Arkanis forty minutes later, Hux was reassured that they could survive anything together.

 

Of course, that didn't stop Hux from rushing to his room and calling Ben on his datapad as soon as they had landed.

 

#

 

It was the Winter Solstice and Arkanis Academy was closed for two weeks while students returned home to their families to celebrate the holidays. Hux and Ben – now going by Kylo Ren in private when he divulged to Hux the distance he someday wanted from his family ties – normally slept in a dorm at the Academy but Brendol had insisted they return to the Hux estate for the holidays. Festive was the last thing Brendol was but it was all about appearances for him, and he wanted the parents and faculty of the Academy to see the Commandant with a happy, inviting family.

 

Hux was just grateful because it meant he and Kylo would have some privacy to spend time together. At the Academy you weren't allowed to request a private or shared room until you turned sixteen, which was still one year away for him. The plan was for Hux to request a private room on his sixteenth birthday and Kylo would unofficially stay with him until he was old enough for them to request a shared room together.

 

Dinner was done and it was now late at night, well past the hour when Hux and Kylo should've gone to sleep. Instead they were seated in pyjamas on Hux's bed which they had pushed up against the wall and directly under the windows so that on clear nights they could see the starry sky. With the passage of time unmarked they talked about their future; what they wanted to do, see, accomplish and experience.

 

"I want to rule someday, Kylo," Hux admitted quietly at one point, eyes drifting from Kylo's face to the stars beyond his window. "I think I'd make a good king."

 

"Not a king," Kylo disagreed, drawing Hux's gaze back to him with furrowed brows. Kylo held Hux's cheek in his palm and smiled. "You could rule far more than a kingdom someday."

 

Hux considered the words, mulled them over and silently allowed himself to dream bigger. "A good emperor, perhaps?" he tested the idea.

 

Kylo's smile grew. "Of that I have no doubt."

 

Hux placed his hand upon Kylo's, keeping it against Hux’s cheek to feel his dimpled skin as he smiled in return. "And what of you?" Hux teased. "You're not one for politics."

 

"I will be there to keep you safe so we are both old men together with silver hair, aching joints and too much time on our hands," Kylo stated, voice certain, eyes warm.

 

Hux found himself caught in Kylo's eyes the way he so often was, and suddenly his heart began to skip. As they grew older Hux's love for Kylo had only grown, but once puberty hit Hux's desires had progressed towards the physical. He could feel Kylo's love for him in return through the bond but two years behind Hux in age, Hux knew Kylo's interests had not fully matured yet. Hux had held himself back, not wanting to force Kylo if he wasn't interested or ready.

 

Now though Hux could feel desire emanating from Kylo in waves, harmonizing with Hux's own arousal. They leaned in as one, paused for just a moment with their lips hovering, and then Hux closed the distance and covered Kylo's lips with his own. His eyes slid closed instinctively and he was unable to tell which of them moaned. The kiss came with a sense of relief as much as pleasure, a new thread woven into their ever-growing bond. Hux cradled the back of Kylo's neck with his hand and pressed harder into the kiss for a moment before pulling back. When he blinked his eyes open he saw that Kylo was staring back at him, dazed and with a goofy smile.

 

"I have something I want to give you," Kylo said in a rush, his energy through the bond fluttery and bright. "Close your eyes and don't move."

 

Hux closed his eyes but gently tried to pry a hint from Kylo's mind when he felt Kylo get off the bed. Hux was still Force null except through the bond. Sometimes he was able to glean thoughts or emotions from Kylo when he concentrated but he couldn't read the minds of others or move objects the way Kylo could. Kylo was still learning and improving as well, especially with more complicated abilities, but he could now speak full conversations into Hux's head even when they were far apart.

 

This time as Hux's curiosity sought an answer, Kylo gently nudged his mind away, trying to hide the surprise. Hux relented, sensing how important this was to Kylo, and opened his eyes only when he was told to do so. Kylo was again seated in front of him, both hands held out palm up and holding a pendant on a chain. In the darkness of the room it was hard to make out the details but as Hux slowly took the pendant in his own hand and held it up to the moonlight he saw the way the dark stone sparkled, hugged in white gold with a matching chain.

 

Hux didn't know what it was but there was a weight to the stone that seemed old, powerful. "My family is predisposed to soul bonds, though we are not always lucky enough to find our mate. This is my inheritance to be given to my mate if I found them," Kylo explained. "It's supposed to be given during a formal union but I couldn't wait any longer for you to have it and—"

 

"I love it, Kylo. Thank you," Hux cut Kylo off from his anxious rambling. He reached out and caught Kylo's hand before he could start running it through his hair nervously. "Will you help me put it on?"

 

Kylo took it from his hand and Hux turned around on the bed. Kylo's hands were trembling as the pendant came to rest on Hux's chest but Kylo got the chain's clasp latched. Hux touched a hand to the pendant, warm from their combined touches, and he felt Kylo kiss the back of his neck softly. "I love you," Kylo whispered.

 

"I love you too," Hux answered and turned back around to steal another chaste kiss. It might have progressed beyond a kiss but Kylo broke away to yawn, triggering a yawn of Hux's own. "We should sleep," he suggested, and Kylo agreed.

 

They curled up under the blankets together, Hux on his side facing the window and Kylo spooning him from behind. Beneath the sheets he was cradled tightly in Kylo's warm embrace as they both stared up at the starry sky. Millicent, who had been dozing on the windowsill for an hour, had woken at the noise of the two boys settling into bed and turned her own eyes upward.

 

"Someday all that will be ours," Hux said aloud, so determined to make it true.

 

"Ours," Kylo echoed into his ear and Hux knew it was a promise.

 

#

 

Hux's running slowed to a walk, a wander, and then a complete stop. The lush forest located behind Arkanis Academy sighed around him, a warm breeze dancing through the leafy branches as sun speckled the grass below his feet. Despite Hux's comfortable tunic and boots his legs and feet were beginning to ache, causing his mood to sour. They had been at this all day and Hux was frustrated to realize that he was once again lost.

 

A gentle tug at their bond had Hux spinning on his heel and heading back in the direction he had come, concentrating hard on Kylo's presence fluttering against the edge of his awareness. Hux was nearly twenty-one and Kylo was nineteen and as time passed they both grew increasingly skilled at tapping into their bond. Yet Kylo's skills far surpassed Hux's own. Every time Hux had tried to hide in the forest Kylo bounded up to him like an eager bloodhound. By comparison, when it was Hux's turn to find Kylo he continued to flounder.

 

Hux would be graduating from the Academy next year and he would be joining the First Order to start making a name for himself until Kylo graduated two years later and could join him. Kylo had reminded Hux that he would be the one in potential danger, not Kylo, but Hux still felt uneasy at the nagging thought of separation. He wanted to be able to find Kylo no matter what if it ever became necessary.

 

Hux had been closer to Kylo than he realized and within five minutes he found the little glen Kylo had settled into. The sun was no longer directly overhead but instead beginning to edge towards the horizon. Their practice for the day was done and Hux felt he had wasted it with his stumbling around. Hux kicked the toe of his boot against a tuft of grass sullenly as he walked towards the blanket Kylo had laid out for them.

 

"It wasn't a waste," Kylo said, having picked up on his thoughts. "You were doing great until you got distracted by your own frustration."

 

Hux sat heavily on the blanket next to Kylo. Hux was still aggravated with himself but relented when Kylo pulled him into his lap, back to Kylo's chest. Despite being two years his junior, Kylo had grown taller and broader than Hux, and Hux would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy the way Kylo could engulf him. "I just wish I could be Force sensitive as well. It would make things so much easier."

 

Kylo's arms wound around Hux's waist, holding him tighter against Kylo's chest. Hux hummed contently when Kylo marked the length of Hux's neck with a trail of open-mouthed kisses. "Our path has never been easy. When have we ever balked?"

 

"Never," Hux conceded the point. His breath hitched when Kylo bit lightly at his skin, one hand moving down to palm Hux through his pants. "What about the food we brought?" Hux asked, though already he was tilting his head back against Kylo's shoulder to display his neck and lifting his hips against Kylo's hand.

 

"Later," Kylo said and slipped his hand beneath Hux's waistband to take him in hand. With a moan, Hux surrendered willingly.

 

#

 

Hux was ecstatic because his twenty-fourth birthday coincided with a three day shore leave he had been granted by the First Order. Hux had of course chosen to return to Arkanis where Kylo was stuck finishing up his last year at the Academy before he too could join the First Order and return to Hux's side. They managed to visit once every three months when Hux received a mandatory shore leave but otherwise they were left only with datapad vid calls and their bond stretched unfailingly across a star system.

 

If Hux had come to Arkanis alone he would already have Kylo in bed with both of them stripped bare. However, Hux's friend Phasma had asked to accompany Hux planet-side, having no family of her own to visit, and Hux had agreed. Phasma was his best friend next to Kylo. She was strong, smart and incredibly loyal once you proved yourself worthy. Hux and Phasma were assigned the same unit during active deployment and had kept one another alive more than once. Because of this Kylo had grown to like her as well and the three of them were soon fast friends.

 

Besides Kylo, Phasma was the only person Hux felt comfortable telling his future plans. And when she showed genuine interest in what Hux envisioned, Hux began to work Phasma into his plans. Hux knew he was a man who could talk an army into fighting and dying for him, but Phasma was the one who could train that army to precision. Hux didn't even have a formal rank yet in the First Order but all of his superiors had already taken notice of his skill and ambition, and Hux could feel a promotion hovering on the horizon.

 

Now on the eve of his birthday Hux sat at a high-top table in the corner of a local canteen, Kylo at one elbow and Phasma at the other. The tabletop was littered with empty shot glasses and Hux was now sipping at a tumbler of whiskey. His head was filled with a pleasant buzz, made fuzzy by the building desire he could feel from Kylo next to him. More than once they had caught one another's eyes before tearing their gazes away, not wanting to be rude to Phasma. Hux knew she didn't mind being the third wheel but there was still such a thing as public decency.

 

Midnight arrived and the three of them toasted Hux becoming one year older. After that they finished their final drinks before Kylo and Phasma placed credit chips on the table; Hux had already been told to not complain about being treated for his birthday. "You two should get going," Phasma suggested once their tab had been settled.

 

Hux and Kylo shared another glance, heat simmering across their bond like a building wildfire. Hux cleared his throat. "We can stay longer. It's only midnight."

 

Phasma laughed and stood from the table. "Thanks, but I've had enough of you two eye fucking across the table for one night," she teased. "I'm going to check out the club next door. You two enjoy yourselves."

 

She left with a parting kiss to Hux's and then Kylo's cheek. Hux and Kylo were left sharing a guilty smile before they too departed, walking faster than necessary back to the Academy and Kylo's private room. As soon as the door was closed and locked, Hux found himself pinned bodily against it. Kylo gripped Hux's hip with one hand, pulling their bodies together for some delicious friction while Kylo's other hand held the back of Hux's neck and dragged him into a hungry, demanding kiss.

 

Hux dug his fingers into Kylo's hair and tilted his head, deepening the kiss immediately with a groan. He arched his hips forward, aroused at feeling Kylo already half-hard against him. By now their kissing always turned into a synchronized dance; it couldn't be avoided considering how attuned they were after over a decade of being bonded. Hux nipped Kylo's bottom lip with his teeth and shivered pleasantly at the low growl he received in response.

 

"I'm going to fuck you so hard, Armi," Kylo said, using both hands to line up their hips and grind their growing erections together. "Three months is way too long."

 

"I know," Hux lamented before initiating another kiss. Through the bond they were both aching and needy, pained by their months of longing since their last coupling. "Let's make up for it now."

 

Kylo nodded and crouched down just enough to hook his hands beneath Hux's thighs. Already knowing the plan, Hux wound his arms around Kylo's shoulders for stability as his feet left the floor. His legs hooked on Kylo's hips as he was carried over to the bed, though he refused to let go even when Kylo set him on the mattress. Instead Hux tightened his grip and reeled Kylo in, capturing his lips once again.

 

Kylo lay atop Hux throughout the kiss, harnessing gravity against Hux to hold him in place. Hux rocked his hips upward just to feel Kylo's weight pinning him, loving how strong his mate was. They were both fully hard and straining in their pants and Hux was eager to feel Kylo inside him again. Hux grabbed the hem of Kylo's shirt and started to tug it up his torso, revealing as much skin as he was able. Their lips separated when Kylo sat back long enough to remove his own shirt and then Hux's as well as their pants, everything falling to the floor in a forgotten heap.

 

Hux melted beneath Kylo's attention as Kylo kissed and nibbled pink marks down Hux's neck and onto his chest. Kylo paused when he drew level with the pendant, resting against Hux's skin as always, and pressed a kiss to Hux's sternum. "You are my everything," Kylo murmured along Hux's ribs.

 

"And you are mine," Hux replied. Hux had never questioned Kylo's feelings for him, clear as they were through the bond. Yet he would never grow tired of hearing the words, especially when Kylo was in this needy, affectionate mood that sometimes made him babble sweet nothings. "Right now I really want you inside me."

 

Kylo lifted his head and smirked; cheeks flushed, lips swollen, eyes as stunning as always. "Impatient, are we? I was going to give you a birthday blowjob." As if demonstrating his point, Kylo moved further down between Hux's legs and dragged the width of his tongue along Hux's erection through the damp cotton of his underwear.

 

Hux hissed and felt his cock twitch, precome leaving a wet mark on the fabric. "I won't last if you keep that up," he warned. "Let's save that for the morning. I want to come on your cock."

 

"Kriff, you shouldn't be allowed to talk like that," Kylo moaned and playfully covered Hux's mouth with one large hand.

 

 _Spread me open_ , Hux projected the words and a companion mental image to Kylo. _Fill me up_. Then he licked Kylo's palm, drawing another hungry noise from his partner.

 

Kylo replaced his hand with his mouth, swallowing Hux's gasp when Hux felt Kylo's erection nudging against his ass through their underwear. _Brat_ , Kylo thought back to him. The word was filled with affection though and Hux didn't bother apologizing.

 

With frenzied movements their underwear was discarded and Kylo retrieved the lube from his nightstand. Hux hummed with pleased relief when Kylo flipped him onto his stomach and hitched up his hips, putting Hux on display with his legs spread while Kylo slid his first lubed finger in to the second knuckle. Hux huffed out his next exhale and then pushed back onto Kylo's finger, eager for it and happy to show it without fear of judgement.

 

Hux took Kylo's second finger after a few deep breaths and then whimpered when Kylo tried for a third. Kylo withdrew immediately and returned to two fingers, spreading more lube and carefully stretching Hux's ass. It took more time than either of them wanted after three months apart but Kylo was gentle, focus on the bond as much as his fingers to sense any discomfort Hux might think but be unwilling to voice. The bond shimmered as their minds drew closer together, vibrating on wavelengths that began to harmonize.

 

Three fingers had Hux's hands clutching at the sheets before Hux rose on his hands and knees to change the angle. Kylo took his time but was relentless, spreading his fingers apart and against Hux's insides. Hux could feel the excess lube making his entrance slick and it made him impatient for the girth of Kylo's cock. Hux thrust himself back on the width of Kylo's three fingers to show he was ready, the pendant swinging in the air and then back against his sweaty skin.

 

"Ready?" Kylo asked him as he withdrew his fingers fully, voice husky and rough.

 

"You know I am," Hux shot back, lowering back down onto his forearms when his arms began to tremble. He listened to the cap of the lube snapping closed and the wet sound of Kylo's fist on his length.

 

Kylo had one hand, sticky from lube, on Hux's lower back. Hux felt the head of Kylo's cock nudge against his entrance, lined up with the aid of Kylo's other hand. There were a few seconds of resistance before Hux consciously relaxed his body and Kylo's crown popped inside. Hux hissed and clung tighter to the blankets, his cock leaking precome at the sensation of his body being spread open as Kylo filled him inch by consuming inch.

 

When Kylo was half-sheathed he leaned over Hux and wrapped both arms around Hux's middle, their skin plastered together. Hux was then filled with one final snap of Kylo's hips. Hux threw his head back with a cry, his ass clenching rhythmically around Kylo as he adjusted to the stretch. Kylo was panting hard, breath tickling the bare skin of Hux's back. "Are you trying to milk me dry already?" Kylo asked with a breathless chuckle.

 

"Not yet," Hux laughed, just as breathless and so very turned on.

 

Hux couldn't see Kylo's face or eyes but their vibrating bond kept him tuned to Kylo's presence. Hux mentally reached back, welcoming Kylo into his mind the way Hux had offered his body, and Kylo settled in willingly. Their breathing stuttered in sync the instant it happened, their minds melding as the bond laced loving loops around their joined bodies. Kylo's heartbeat was Hux's, their thoughts and souls becoming one with a hum akin to the universe itself.

 

Hux sensed when Kylo realized how close he was to Hux's prostate and with a slight shift of his body and a slow grind forward, Kylo's cock rubbed against that sweet spot deep inside. Hux tensed and moaned, rocking back to maintain that sensation of electricity teasing every nerve ending in his body. Kylo held him closer, hands splayed across Hux's stomach, and repeated the action of grinding against Hux's prostate rhythmically. Before long Hux had to turn his face into the blankets to muffle the noises he was making lest some outsider come to investigate.

 

Hux wasn't going to last long between their time apart and how heightened his senses were, experiencing their coupling from both perspectives at once. He could tell Kylo would finish with him, his thrusts already turning rough and needy. Hux's body rocked in the circle of Kylo's arms, air knocked from his lungs each time Kylo pulled out and thrust back in all the way. Hux would never grow tired of this, surrounded by arousal, love and understanding from his partner who would always be part of his life.

 

Kylo returned the sentiment a second before Hux felt a hiccup in his energies, hinting that Kylo was teetering on the brink of orgasm. It only took a thought from Hux about a hand around his cock and Kylo was reaching down, stroking him firm and tight in time with each thrust. Hux intentionally tightened his ass around Kylo's moving cock, trying to offer as much friction as possible. He knew he had succeeded when Kylo immediately grunted, rutted into him hard three more times and then came with a weak groan. _Armitage_ , Kylo's voice whispered in the back of Hux's mind, winding around his heart. 

 

Hux squirmed as Kylo's orgasm rippled through the bond and overtook him. Hux could feel the wet heat of Kylo's come coating his insides, each twitch of Kylo's hips burying his seed deeper within Hux's body. Kylo's hand didn't stop fisting him and Hux pushed himself back onto Kylo's cock and then forward into his hand, shuddering with the dual stimulation. "Come for me," Kylo whispered and Hux was lost, coming across Kylo's hand with one final spasm of his body.

 

Hux's limbs threatened to give out, held aloft only by Kylo's shaky hold. Slowly Kylo lowered Hux fully onto the mattress and withdrew his softening cock. While normally preferring to be clean, Hux ignored the wetness dripping down his thighs and smeared along his abdomen, instead settling onto the sheets and focusing on catching his breath. Kylo collapsed next to him and cocooned Hux in his arms, face tucked against Hux's neck. Within a minute Kylo was dozing, quiet snores exhaled along Hux's shoulder.

 

Hux let him sleep, drifting in and out of consciousness himself while kept warm by Kylo's body heat. He could feel their minds slowly disentangling, once again two separate beings. Hux was unbothered, knowing that even when separated Kylo would always be there, at the other end of the invisible silver thread binding them together.

 

#

 

Hux was halfway through typing up a strategy plan he had to present to his commanding officer when he felt it – a poisonous twist of fear reverberating through the bond. Hux nearly dropped his datapad as adrenaline rushed through his veins, preparing for a threat he couldn't see. He realized almost immediately that there was nothing he could do physically so instead Hux focused on the bond and called out to Kylo, trying to get a mental read on what was going on. Hux was relieved that he had been promoted to Lieutenant, meaning he only had to share a room with one other Lieutenant. Even more fortunate was that his roommate was handling omega shift and wouldn't be back for eight hours.

 

Kylo's burst of fear had faded into a simmering anxiety, making Hux feel unsettled enough that he began to pace the length of his bed and back. Hux felt his mate try to reassure him through their connection but it felt fake, undermined by a sense of dread weighing down the bond. Hux could imagine that silver thread bowing under the strain. _I'll come_ , Kylo promised him hurriedly, which worried Hux even more since he was on a star destroyer two star systems away from Kylo at that moment. _I'm coming there_.

 

Hux forced himself to sit down and snatch up his datapad. He opened up his private messaging system and sent Kylo a message. _What do you mean, you're coming here?_

 

Ten minutes of impatient waiting and Hux finally got an electronic reply. _I'm on a shuttle. ETA 0107 hours_. _I'll come to your room_.

 

Hux checked the chronometer and noted Kylo was due to arrive in a little under an hour. Kylo must have a well-equipped shuttle. Hux's next shore leave wasn't scheduled for a month and normally he'd be overjoyed at the thought of seeing his mate a month early. But clearly there was something incredibly wrong going on and Hux could only pace and fidget away the agonizingly slow hour until Kylo arrived to explain what was happening.

 

Hux could sense Kylo's presence the moment he was aboard the ship. He knew Kylo must've had some sort of permission to land his shuttle but Hux didn't know how far that permission stretched so he remained out of sight in his room. The wait nearly drove him beyond sanity but at last there was a heavy knock at the door. Hux opened the door quickly and pulled Kylo inside as soon as their eyes met.

 

"What the kriff is going on?" Hux demanded after he had locked the door. In the room's lighting Hux took a moment to study Kylo's face. He saw that Kylo had a stony expression but had clearly been crying, his eyes red and swollen. Hux's stomach cramped with worry. "Kylo, what happened?"

 

Whether it was Hux's question, voice or worry that set Kylo off, Hux didn't know. But before he could blink Kylo was hugging him tightly and crying broken, anguished sobs into the crook of Hux's neck. As if that wasn't terrifying enough, Hux noted that for the first time since their bonding fifteen years prior, Kylo was keeping Hux out of his mind. " _Armi_ ," Kylo sobbed his name, tears soaking the collar of Hux's shirt. "Stars I don't think I can do this."

 

"Do _what_?" Hux gripped Kylo's shoulders and pushed him back just enough for their eyes to meet. Kylo sniffled loudly, his hands limp at his sides. "Kylo please, tell me what's wrong. We'll handle it together, like always."

 

He meant for the words to be comforting. Instead Kylo sank to his knees, hands trembling as they gripped Hux's calves. Kylo turned his face against Hux's leg, took a shuddering breath and then whimpered out his next cry. Kylo was a broken man and Hux didn't know what to do. "I can't be without you," Kylo whispered.

 

Hux moved to his knees in front of Kylo, hands cupping his cheeks. "I'm here."

 

Kylo sniffled again and distractedly tried to brush his cheeks free of tears with the back of his gloved hand. "But tomorrow you won't know that I even exist." Kylo wasn't talking any sense and Hux was about to tell him just that, but Kylo finally began to explain. "There's a man – no, a _creature_ named Snoke who has developed an interest in my Force abilities. I am to become his apprentice. There is no choice for me other than death."

 

"I— _what_?" Hux gaped, struggling to keep up with what Kylo was telling him. It was infinitely harder when he couldn't see into Kylo's mind for clarity. "Kylo, surely you could tell the First Order and they would intervene."

 

"Apparently the First Order owes Snoke greatly. They will not help." Kylo took a deep, shaky breath, clearly trying to calm himself down after his emotional outburst. "I am to become one of his knights. I will learn from him and fight for him. That alone is against everything I had planned; you know I always intended to remain by your side in the First Order once I graduated. But that's..." A weak hiccup escaped Kylo as more tears spilled free. "That's not even the worst part. I also need to wipe myself from your memories and block the bond."

 

Seeing his mate so distraught and feeling his despair already made Hux unsteady but he was doing his best to focus and try to think of a logical strategy or solution. However, Kylo's final words settled like a heavy cloud in Hux's mind, suffocating him. "Kylo, there must be another way." Hux refused to surrender so easily. It would ruin everything he had planned but Hux would sacrifice anything – any plan or reputation or connection he had developed. Just not Kylo; he couldn't sacrifice Kylo. "We could leave tonight—"

 

"No!" Kylo refused sharply, desperation in his wild eyes. "Snoke is more powerful than I can even comprehend. If I don't do this tonight he'll come for you tomorrow and I'm not strong enough to stop him." Kylo reached forward and cupped Hux's right cheek in his palm. "Hux, you gotta forget about me. You know that. I know that. I can't do this to you..." Kylo whimpered, his trembling thumb stroking along Hux's cheekbone. "I can't let you die because I was too weak to make this sacrifice."

"Kylo..." Hux began but his protests trailed away. He realized that Kylo was completely serious and that this truly was the only option. The lump in his throat and the burning of his eyes won out and Hux finally began to cry. Hux turned into Kylo's hand as tears cascaded down his cheeks. He held his breath until he could no longer and when he breathed out an agonized sob escaped.

 

"I just need you to be alive, even if we're not together," Kylo whispered, still holding Hux's face. His voice sounded stronger, though still rough from crying, and Hux knew Kylo was trying to be brave for them both. "If I know you're alive in the world, safe and happy—"

 

In a flash Hux's eyes snapped open and he slapped Kylo, hard. He felt the sting of it in the flesh of his palm. "How dare you say that I'll be happy," he snarled before a whimper left him. "I can't bear the thought of it; a life without you in it." Hux had been so lonely and miserable, and then he had met Kylo and everything had changed. For fifteen years Hux had had a friend, a confidante, a lover and a _purpose_. Kylo had been his home. And now tomorrow morning he would wake up entirely alone in the universe and wholly unaware of what it felt like to be loved unconditionally.

 

"You'll be fine," Kylo murmured, and then cleared his throat and spoke firmly. "You'll be _fantastic_. You're going to rule someday, remember?"

 

Hux wanted to clench his eyes closed but couldn't. He couldn't look away from Kylo's beautiful face so filled with adoration and warmth. For over a decade Hux had taken Kylo for granted and now suddenly there was no time left for him to appreciate his bond mate. "Not without you," Hux argued. The thought now of ruling, of _anything_ without Kylo, felt hollow. "Not without you, Kylo."

 

Kylo bit his bottom lip. "I'll find you again someday, once Snoke is dead. I'll make him pay." Hux could tell that Kylo didn't know if he could keep this promise, but that Kylo was doing and saying these things to protect Hux.

 

Blinking away his tears, Hux attempted to regain control of his emotions. He was only making this harder by drawing it out. "Okay." Together they stood, supporting one another when their knees wobbled. Slowly Kylo led Hux over to the bed and onto his back, sitting on the edge of the mattress by Hux's hip. Hux held a hand out and Kylo laced their fingers together. "I love you."

 

"I love you too," Kylo sniffled and used his free hand to wipe at his face. "I'm going to make you sleep and then I'll take the memories and close off the bond. Tomorrow you'll wake up for your shift with no memories of me." Kylo's voice caught on the words and Hux's vision swam with new tears. "I promise this pain will be gone."

 

For Hux, but not for Kylo, Hux knew. It broke his heart into more jagged pieces knowing that even if this was Kylo's idea to protect Hux, Kylo would be the one to truly suffer with lingering memories of everything that had been lost. Hux knew he was being selfish but he gripped Kylo's hand tighter. "Don't forget about me, please," he begged.

 

As Kylo blinked more tears fell but he smiled all the same. "I could never forget you," Kylo promised him. "You will always be my Armitage," Kylo added while gently detaching their shaking hands to instead place his hand over Hux's eyes, turning his vision dark. "Now sleep."


	3. Part Three: Reunion

**Part Three: Reunion**

 

Hux woke slowly and groaned at the sunlight filtering in through the windows. He had a headache and every muscle in his body felt stiff. Besides that Hux felt lethargic and dizzy, his head filled with fifteen years of lost memories he had just experienced like an uninterrupted retelling of his life. It had been a slightly bizarre experience because he had seen everything through his eyes, and had felt every touch and emotion, and yet each choice had already been made by his former self so Hux was simply along for the ride.

 

Hux was so relieved and grateful to have his memories back despite how exhausted and heavy he felt. It was like half of himself had been missing – both in terms of his memories and also his bond with Kylo – and now he was whole again. Some of the returned memories even explained beliefs and goals Hux had clung to even though he hadn't been able to remember their origin without his memories. Plus, now with the bond reconnected Hux could feel Kylo's energy and warmth and there was nothing more precious to him in the entire world.

 

With this thought in mind Hux forced his eyes open, squinting through the sunlight as he looked for Kylo. He found him immediately, curled up on his side next to Hux on the bed. Their hands were laced together on Hux’s stomach and slowly Kylo’s eyes fluttered open. “Thank stars you’re awake,” Kylo said quietly, voice rough from disuse. Kylo looked as exhausted as Hux felt, but his gaze and smile was loving.

 

“How long was I asleep?” Hux rolled onto his side to face Kylo but kept their hands joined.

 

“Two days,” Kylo answered, stress lines creasing the corners of his mouth.

 

“And you?” Hux wondered, lifting his free hand to slowly explore the few wrinkles he noticed around Kylo’s mouth and eyes. Hux hadn’t thought much of the wrinkles two days earlier, attributing them to the age of his bodyguard. But now with his memories intact they were curious things to witness on the face of the man he had loved for so long.

 

“I’ve been awake the whole time to ensure the connection wasn’t interrupted while your mind processed the memories,” Kylo explained, leaning into Hux’s touch welcomingly. “I wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyway, re-experiencing the memories through you.”

 

“There’s so much we still need to discuss,” Hux said, but his resolve was eroded by a long yawn.

 

Kylo chuckled and squeezed his hand. “Yes, but for now we need food and water and sleep.” After saying this Kylo dragged himself off the mattress to stand. Hux saw Kylo swaying on his feet as he struggled for balance and instinctively sent a burst of worry through the bond. Kylo caressed his mind with warm reassurance and just feeling their connection – just as strong and innate as always – had quiet tears rolling down Hux’s cheeks.

 

Hux watched Kylo through blurry eyes as his mate grabbed a tray with food and a pitcher of water and set it on the bed before climbing back onto the mattress. Hux forced himself into a seated position and fell easily into Kylo’s arms as he was pulled close, both of them breathing one another in. Hux sensed a swell of hesitance from Kylo so Hux was the one to eventually hold Kylo’s face between his palms and bring their lips together. Immediately Kylo whimpered and leaned into the kiss, neither of them minding the taste of salt from their mingling tears.

 

Hux didn’t want the kiss to end, or to ever leave Kylo’s arms again. But now that he was more awake his stomach was cramping for food and water. Slowly their lips parted, though their gazes lingered, until eventually they both turned to the tray for food and water. Hux had to eat and drink slowly after being unconscious for two days, feeling slightly nauseous from the cramps when he swallowed too much water at once. But slowly his body settled and Hux was able to eat until he felt full and dozy.

 

Kylo removed the tray from the bed before returning, looking just as sleepy. Hux slid back under the covers and reeled Kylo in to join him. Hux ended up on his side with Kylo spooning him from behind, hand holding the pendant to Hux’s chest and lips kissing tiredly along Hux’s bare shoulder and neck. “I missed you so much,” Kylo confessed weakly and pressed his forehead between Hux’s shoulder blades.

 

Hux could feel Kylo trembling and he covered Kylo’s hand with his own. Hux couldn’t say he had missed Kylo because he hadn’t remembered having a bond mate. But Hux still knew some part of him had known something was missing. “It was never the same without you,” Hux told him. “I always felt incomplete. I just didn’t know why.”

 

Kylo tightened his hold around Hux, hugging him close. “I will never be apart from you again,” Kylo stated firmly.

 

Kylo’s love and warmth cocooned around Hux, reminding him that once again there was somewhere in the universe that he belonged and it was right here in Kylo’s arms. “Nor I, you,” Hux said. He drifted into a dreamless sleep minutes later with a smile on his lips.

 

#

 

It took almost two more days for Hux and Kylo to recover fully; to sleep, eat and drink enough for their bodies to return to proper functioning and for routines to be re-established. Now they were seated in two armchairs by the windows, watching the sunrise from inside where it was warm. Hux had pushed the chairs close enough that they could hold hands between the armrests now that they were finished eating breakfast.

 

Kylo was catching Hux up on what had happened during the fifteen years they were apart, primarily talking about his years as Snoke’s apprentice. Hux cycled between anger and worry when hearing about the cruel and punishing ‘training’ Kylo endured, not to mention the life-threatening situations Snoke forced his knights into without seemingly a care about their wellbeing. It was Kylo who had to keep bringing Hux back to the present with a thumb rubbing circles on the back of Hux’s hand, reminding him that Kylo was safe and free of Snoke’s influence.

 

“Snoke was furious when the First Order crumbled within a few years after you left. Snoke had been puppeteering the Order from the shadows and it was a blow to his military control,” Kylo continued his story, unbothered by retelling so many details for Hux’s benefit. Hux clenched his jaw with frustration. He wanted to say that he would’ve killed Snoke if he had known the creature’s whereabouts but of course that wasn’t true; without his memories Hux didn’t know Snoke had stolen his mate. It felt like a betrayal to their bond that Hux hadn’t known Kylo was suffering. “Hey, don’t think that way,” Kylo chided him lightly. “There was no way for you to know.”

 

Hux was still readjusting to Kylo sensing his thoughts and emotions so easily but it certainly made communication simple. “I know,” Hux said with a sigh. “I still feel like I should have been able to tell though.” Internally Hux knew this was a regret he would need to deal with over time, reminding himself with Kylo’s patient support that he wasn’t perfect. For now Hux asked the next question on his mind. “Is that why it took fifteen years before you could come find me?”

 

Kylo heaved a weary sigh and nodded. “I could pine for you openly because Snoke believed my pain made me stronger with the Dark side of the Force, but I could not expose even a hint that I was thinking about finding you. Until Snoke was dead I was trapped, knowing if he knew my allegiance remained with you he would kill you and make me watch.” Hux tightened his grip on Kylo’s hand but before he could think of what to say, Kylo continued. “It was you who finally made it possible for me to kill him.”

 

“Me?” Hux repeated. One of his eyebrows was arched with confusion.

 

“Mhm,” Kylo hummed. “The First Order fell two years after you left and it turned Snoke into a paranoid maniac. Snoke’s punishments turned harsher but his mind became distracted and I was slowly able to gain the ability to mask my true thoughts. In another two years Snoke was dead by my hands and I was finally free to search for you.”

 

Hux was keeping track of the years in his head and determined he had his throne claimed by then, but was just beginning to build his empire. “It was another two years before you came to me with Phasma, right?” A thought suddenly struck Hux like lightning. “Wait, did Phasma know about our bond the whole time?”

 

“No, she didn’t know about our bond,” Kylo reassured him quickly. “Immediately after I wiped your memories I went to Phasma and edited her memories as well. She remembered being friends with you but not me. Snoke removed me from the memories of anyone else who might link us together. In fact, because of Snoke, most people forgot I even existed at all.”

 

“So how is it that Phasma was the one to bring you back to me?” Hux asked curiously.

 

Kylo chuckled tiredly. “You are _not_ an easy man to find. Our bond was severed and you had traveled such a distance that I couldn’t find a trace of your presence even when I meditated. After two years I was in a haze of despair, not knowing if I’d ever find you again. It was Phasma’s presence that I finally found, and I could feel your energies attached to her, implying that she had seen you recently.” Kylo was looking at him and Hux met his gaze, reading the conflicting emotions in those dark irises as easily as he could feel them through the bond. “I approached her and returned more edited memories to her, allowing her to remember us all being friends but not the full extent of my relationship with you. After that she brought me to you willingly.”

 

“I’ll have to make sure she doesn’t murder you for mucking up her memories like that,” Hux teased, though with an edge of seriousness in his voice.

 

“With your permission I will recover her full memories in the coming days and endure the beating she’ll no doubt give me for messing with her mind in the first place,” Kylo smiled. “I hope she’ll forgive me someday but I can’t regret any of it when it kept you alive and safe until I could come back to you.”

 

“It worked out in the end,” Hux said. “And I’m sure she’ll forgive you with time.” Hux sighed and sat back in his armchair, closing his eyes and focusing for a moment on nothing but the sensation of Kylo’s hand in his own. What a disastrous fifteen years. Hux knew there was still recovery needed in their future; Kylo had endured much under Snoke’s control and as one half of a severed bond, alone in the world. They also had a lot of time to make up for, and that thought turned Hux’s mind to baser desires.

 

“I like where your mind is going,” Kylo’s voice was hushed and warm.

 

Hux blushed at being caught so easily but there was no reason to feel embarrassed. He felt Kylo’s desire for him simmering in return. “Shall we return to bed?” he suggested, already knowing the answer he would receive.

 

Kylo’s eyes danced when they stood as one from their armchairs and walked hand in hand back to Hux’s large bed. They had only left it an hour ago to eat and talk but now they were walking towards activities far more enticing than sleep. Standing by the edge of the bed Hux and Kylo took long minutes slowly undressing their partner, revealing skin and dropping fabric to the floor in two matching piles. Soon they were both naked except for Hux’s pendant, resting against his skin as always.

 

Kylo’s movements could only be described as reverent as he scooped Hux into his arms and moved them to the middle of the bed, Hux on his back and Kylo kneeling above him. It had been sixteen years since Hux had been this exposed to anyone; naked, sharing a bed and offering up his heart and body. He wasn’t nervous though, comforted and encouraged by Kylo’s open desire as they looked one another over.

 

When Hux looked down he saw that Kylo was already half hard but what caught Hux’s eye next were the various scars littering Kylo’s bare skin. “What are these from?” Hux questioned, lifting his hands to skim up Kylo’s abdomen and ribs. He silently took note of every dip and raised line of flesh he felt, telling the story of a rough fifteen years Kylo lived without him before arriving on Uxling Prime.

 

Kylo sat back on his heels and watched Hux’s fingers explore, hair hanging down around his face. “Most of them are from Snoke, or the missions I had to do for him,” Kylo said. Hux was grateful when Kylo showed no signs of pain or discomfort when each scar was caressed. “A few are my own fault when I was feeling particularly self-destructive and getting into fights I couldn’t win. Those days were hard; the ones when I struggled to believe I’d someday be with you again.”

 

Hux traced his hands upward from Kylo’s chest, along his clavicles and around his neck, reeling Kylo into a soft but consuming kiss. He had planned to take things slow but hearing about Kylo’s suffering made Hux desperate to comfort his mate and reaffirm their bond. Kylo melted into the kiss eagerly, initially starting with a brush of lips before Kylo leaned in and deepened it. Hux moaned, arousal coursing through his body as he kissed back.

 

“I’m sorry for all you suffered alone,” Hux whispered when their lips separated, both of them catching their breath.

 

Kylo shook his head and kissed Hux’s forehead, his cheeks, his chin. “It’s in the past,” he stated. “I cannot lament when I have you back.” Kylo caught Hux’s lips again but too quickly for Hux to react before Kylo began trailing kisses down the column of Hux’s neck and along one shoulder. “Can I mark you?” Kylo requested shyly.

 

Hux felt Kylo’s hunger, understood it, and nodded. “Anywhere that’s not visible,” he agreed, absently remembering that he would need to make an appearance as Emperor soon after being a shut-in for nearly a week. He would need to figure out the logistics for announcing Kylo as his partner but those were plans for another day.

 

Kylo’s mouth continued to travel across Hux’s skin, Kylo’s teeth occasionally stealing little nips that made Hux gasp and squirm, his mind remaining firmly present. Kylo spent a few minutes sealing his mouth around one of Hux’s nipples and then the other, tonguing at the sensitive flesh and chuckling when Hux’s breathing got louder at the stimulation. Then Kylo’s mouth continued downward, Kylo taking the time to suck one dark, mouth-shaped bruise onto Hux’s abdomen.

 

Hux arched willingly when Kylo slipped his hands under him to cradle his lower back, but knew something was wrong when Kylo paused, concern streaking across Kylo’s mind. Without a word Kylo flipped Hux onto his stomach, revealing the scars that had previously been hidden. There was one strip of scarring diagonally across Hux’s lower back from a plasma blade and a rounder, starburst-shaped scar on his left thigh from a blaster round. “Who did this to you?” Kylo growled, finger pads brushing the scars like he could make them disappear.

 

“Not everyone was happy with my role as General in the First Order,” Hux explained, trying to focus on answering Kylo’s question rather than drown in arousal at his protective, angry tone. Hux looked back over his shoulder, taking in Kylo’s narrowed eyes and silent snarl. “They were disposed of quickly; one by me and one by Phasma.” Kylo’s fingers dug tightly enough into Hux’s hips that it ached and Hux knew he would have bruises by the afternoon. He huffed a breath and pressed back into Kylo’s hands, trying to regain his attention. “Attractive as it is hearing you growling over my safety, there are more pressing needs to attend to.” Namely his cock, which had fully hardened after hearing Kylo’s primal noise.

 

Kylo picked up on this mental thought even though Hux hadn’t been specifically projecting it. Before Hux had even prepared himself Kylo reached around to circle Hux’s erection in a fist and stroke him tightly from root to tip. Hux bit his bottom lip and moaned, hips jutting forward to follow Kylo’s moving hand. Hux rocked shamelessly as Kylo fisted him for a minute until precome beaded at the tip of Hux’s cock. On Kylo’s next stroke his palm was coated by the precome and moved with a glide, drawing a deeper noise of satisfaction from Hux’s chest.

 

“I’m going to make you feel so good, Armitage,” Kylo promised him. By now he had shuffled forward and was grinding his own swollen cock between Hux’s cheeks.

 

“Well hurry up before I come all over your hand,” Hux groused, already beginning to feel his control slipping. It wasn’t that he hadn’t touched himself over the last sixteen years. In fact, ever since Kylo had arrived at the palace Hux had spent an increasing amount of time in the company of his hand. But to feel Kylo’s larger hand around him, stroking him just the way Hux liked best as if barely a day had passed since their last coupling, and having Kylo thrust his obvious interest against Hux’s ass had him quickly turned on and receptive to every touch and sound.

 

Kylo withdrew his hand and ignored Hux’s groan of displeasure. “Do you have lube?”

 

“In the left bedside table, top drawer,” Hux said.

 

He had barely begun to get his knees under him when Kylo’s hand pressed down on his lower back, keeping him from getting up fully. “On your back,” Kylo ordered and crawled across the mattress to retrieve the lube himself.

 

Hux did as he was told and rolled onto his back, his throbbing cock curved up and resting against his pelvis. Kylo returned with the lube and settled between Hux’s legs, using his hands to drape Hux’s legs over his own thighs. Through Kylo’s eyes Hux could see the sight he made: legs spread, puckered hole on display. “You turned a little filthy during our years apart,” Hux accused, though the new dribble of precome onto his hipbone showed Hux’s approval.

 

The last time they had had sex they were still young, just entering the real world from the safer cocoon of youth. Their lives had been happy, if not easy, and their experimentation in bed had been minimal. Now they were older and worn from over a decade of hard choices in a harsh world. Their experiences had hardened both of them, including some of their sexual preferences, and Hux was eager to see where that took them.

 

“As if you haven’t,” Kylo countered with a smirk, noting Hux’s pleasure at the current positioning and Kylo’s earlier manhandling. Kylo’s palms dragged along Hux’s bare thighs and then back up to his groin, fingertips a mere inch from Hux’s weeping length. “You’re going to look so good on my cock.”

 

“A lot of talk and no action going on here,” Hux pretended to complain, hips shifting as he fought his internal urge to reach down and fist himself to take the edge off.

 

“Let’s fix that then,” Kylo grinned and opened the lube, coating two fingers immediately.

 

Despite their jabs and banter, Kylo’s touch was patient and gentle when the pad of one finger massaged lube against Hux’s entrance. They could rile one another up with filthy words and promises but the reality was that it had been sixteen years since Hux had been penetrated. It would take a while to prepare him so there was no pain, and they both knew their first coupling wouldn’t last as long as they wanted. Hux couldn’t mind though, knowing they had the rest of their lives together to share everything they desired.

 

Kylo was careful when he pushed his finger in past the first knuckle after a minute of massaging the muscles around Hux’s hole. At the intrusion Hux tensed up, the sensation unfamiliar to his body. “Deep breaths,” Kylo reminded him, shallowly thrusting his finger in and out until Hux naturally relaxed and Kylo’s finger slid in as deep as it would go.

 

Hux exhaled heavily, cock already twitching from the pleasure he felt. “Kylo I—I don’t think I can last like this,” he said, embarrassed apology whispering through the bond.

 

Kylo looked up so their eyes met and his clean hand caressed Hux’s hip in a comforting manner. “Come if you need to. That’s the point. There’s nowhere else we need to be today.”

 

Hux nodded gratefully and projected the thought: _I love you, you know?_

 

Kylo was again watching his finger work in and out of Hux’s body, focused on stretching him open slowly and carefully. But the words ghosted across Hux’s mind easily. _I know. I love you too_.

 

For a few silent minutes Hux lay sprawled on his bed, legs wide to accommodate Kylo’s relaxed body. Kylo had a second finger inside Hux now, gently scissoring his two fingers to pry open Hux’s muscles. Hux could feel the excess lube coating his insides and ass cheeks but didn’t complain, too caught up in the waves of pleasure crashing over his head in time with his heartbeat. Kylo hadn’t even touched Hux’s cock but there was a puddle of precome on Hux’s abdomen and Hux’s hips were shifting down onto Kylo’s fingers rhythmically.

 

Hux would need another finger before Kylo could fill him with his cock but Kylo’s goal had momentarily shifted from preparation to pure pleasure. They could both tell Hux wasn’t going to last until full penetration, already lost and flirting dangerously with the edge of orgasm. Hux shifted his legs to dig his heels into the mattress, getting better leverage to fuck himself onto Kylo’s fingers, and at last he gave up any semblance of restraint and fisted himself desperately. Without a word Kylo changed the angle of his fingers and rubbed them mercilessly against Hux’s prostate, setting Hux’s nerve endings aflame.

 

The build-up was intense and quicker than lightning. Within moments Hux was arching off the mattress and moaning Kylo’s name, come spurting across his hand and onto his stomach to pool in his navel. Kylo’s fingers continued to move until Hux whimpered from oversensitivity and slumped back onto the sheets. Then Kylo’s fingers stilled but didn’t withdraw. Hux tried to catch his breath and focused on the way his hole clenched repeatedly around Kylo's fingers while he recovered.

 

Vaguely Hux heard the cap of the lube snapping open and he glanced down to watch Kylo pour lube over a third finger. "Kylo, I'm not twenty anymore," Hux panted, knowing he wouldn't be able to come again so quickly.

 

"Shh, trust me," Kylo soothed, his clean hand massaging Hux's inner thigh.

 

There was no question of trust so Hux lay back against the pillows and focused on his breathing. He felt Kylo's third finger massage against the rim of his ass briefly before slowly and steadily pushing inward. Hux's breath hitched at the initial stretch but realized his body was so sated and loose after his orgasm that the intrusion didn't hurt. Instead Hux merely groaned, knowing the feeling of fullness would be making his cock twitch if he hadn't just come across himself. Hux closed his eyes and continued to breathe, body pliant and welcoming while Kylo stretched him open.

 

Hux lost track of time but Kylo continued working his fingers in and out of Hux long enough that he started to feel the stirrings of arousal unfurl in his gut. Hux caught the flare of heat that raced through Kylo and blinked his eyes open, watching as Kylo stared hungrily at his swelling erection. "I think I'm ready," Hux told him, eyeing Kylo's neglected cock and wanting desperately to feel it filling him up.

 

"I want you to ride me," Kylo confided. The mental image of what Kylo envisioned was enough to convince Hux and he agreed. Hux sat up and moved into a kneeling position but paused, confused when Kylo got off the bed entirely and walked away into the study. Kylo returned a moment later with Hux's golden laurel crown clasped in his clean hand. Kylo sat beside where Hux was kneeling and settled the laurel wreath upon his head, golden leaves among his hair. Then Kylo lay down on his back in the middle of the bed, stroking his cock absent-mindedly but eyes locked on Hux.

 

“Was that really necessary?” Hux asked with an amused eye roll while repositioning himself to sit on Kylo's thighs.

 

Kylo was looking at Hux like he was the most beautiful creature in the universe. And through the bond, Hux knew that was _exactly_ what Kylo was thinking. “I like the sun lighting up the gold and silver in your hair.”

 

“Silver?” Hux scoffed. “Are you calling me old?” He had never paid much attention to the silver strands slowly overtaking his head, turning his vibrant red hair softer as he aged.  

 

Kylo chuckled as he stared up at Hux. It was the most loving expression Hux had ever witnessed and Hux felt momentarily choked with emotion. “I’m just grateful that I get to see you like this,” Kylo said. It brought back the memory from so long ago, after Kylo had given Hux the pendant and promised him they would be old men together with silver hair and too much time on their hands.

 

Kylo had a patch of silver in his hair too now that Hux looked, tucked in behind his right ear. The sunlight highlighted it and Hux was suddenly grateful for this moment as well. Their reunion had never been guaranteed and Hux swore to never take another day with Kylo for granted as long as they lived. "Besides," Kylo continued, mood turning playful, "You riding my cock while wearing your crown is going to be really kriffing hot."

 

Hux laughed aloud and grabbed the lube, happy to fulfill Kylo's fantasy. With his hand coated Hux stroked Kylo a few times, smirking when Kylo's head dropped back against the pillows and his hips lifted pleadingly. Once Kylo's length was coated and throbbing in Hux's hand he shuffled forward on his knees, hovering while lining up the head of Kylo's cock with his slicked entrance. Kylo's hands gripped Hux's hips to steady him as Kylo's cock first breached him, the stretch causing Hux to briefly pause and catch his breath. Then Hux allowed gravity to drag him down until Kylo was fully sheathed within his body.

 

"Kriff Armi." Kylo's fingers were working on bestowing new bruises on Hux's skin with how tightly Kylo was clinging to him.

 

Hux had been half hard but now to hear Kylo moaning for him and feel his body stuffed full with Kylo's cock, blood rushed from Hux's head and his erection bobbed in the air. Thanks to Kylo's patient preparation Hux didn't need to wait long to adjust, and as soon as the initial burn faded Hux began to move. He placed both hands on Kylo's chest and lifted himself until he could feel the crown of Kylo's cock teasing the tight ring of muscles around his entrance and then sat back down hard.

 

Kylo gave a shout; a senseless noise of pleasure. Hux repeated the action, lifting onto his knees and then using gravity to sit down forcefully, Kylo balls deep each time. Soon Kylo gained enough sense to assist Hux in his movements, lifting Hux nearly off his cock each time before pushing him down. On each fall Kylo thrust his hips up to meet Hux halfway, burying his length deeper and adjusting the angle until Kylo found Hux's prostate a second time.

 

Hux cursed and moaned at the added stimulation, spasms jerking his body each time one of Kylo's thrusts hit his prostate. They were both sweaty and shaking, palms slipping over damp skin as their desperation mounted. Kylo hadn't finished yet and Hux could tell he was getting closer, sensing the coil of heat tightening within Kylo. Hux wasn't as close to tipping over the edge a second time but he knew he could easily finish with the feeling of Kylo spilling inside him.

 

Eventually Kylo held Hux fully in place, halfway up on his knees, and started to thrust up into him hard and fast. Hux's body rocked with the force of it, shaking air from his lungs as he gasped repeatedly. Hux could even feel the weight of his laurels shifting on his head though his crown didn't fall. He held himself up with one forearm across Kylo's abdomen while his other hand reached down and started to stroke himself without rhythm. "Please, Kylo," Hux whispered, knowing exactly what to say to send Kylo over into oblivion. "I want your seed."

 

With a hitched groan Kylo shoved Hux back down onto his cock and came. Hux fisted himself faster when he felt Kylo's cock pulsing against his walls, Kylo's hips twitching up minutely as he buried multiple ropes of come in Hux's ass. Hux was panting with exertion when he finally came a second time, a few droplets of come painting Kylo's skin as Hux shivered and whimpered through the orgasm.

 

When Hux's body finally finished he collapsed, completely satisfied and exhausted. Kylo caught him and positioned Hux to lie on top of him, Kylo's arms around his middle. Hux tucked his face against Kylo's neck and closed his eyes, breathing in his mate while they both settled. Slowly Kylo recovered and drew mindless shapes on Hux's bare back until his cock softened and slipped free of Hux's body. The empty feeling mixed with the sensation of Kylo's come trickling down his leg had Hux pressing closer against Kylo's warmth.

 

Eyes still closed, Hux felt Kylo rolling them both onto their sides before pulling Hux into a sweet, languid kiss. Hux threaded his fingers into Kylo's hair and kissed him back, vibrating as their minds interlaced. There was no need for words or declarations; every thought and emotion was shared and experienced as one.

 

Accomplishing his goal of becoming emperor had pleased Hux but never given him a sense of satisfaction. Only now in Kylo's embrace, the silver thread of their bond tying them together and their future looking loving and bright did Hux feel truly content and whole. His life had purpose again, and Hux knew that he truly belonged.

 

"Thank you for not forgetting me," Hux whispered against Kylo's lips when they paused to catch their breath.

 

"Thank you for remembering me," Kylo murmured in return and pressed his smiling lips once again against Hux's own.

**Author's Note:**

> [Mood board](http://onewhositswiththeturtles.tumblr.com/post/174499594554/forget-me-not-part-one-falling-by)
> 
> Find me on: [Tumblr](http://onewhositswiththeturtles.tumblr.com/), [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/onewhositswiththeturtles), or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/owswtt)


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